Defamation of Character Suit A La Carte Please

 With the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trials for both defamation of character and what Heard is calling a "smear campaign" for her side of it, the two of them have racked up more than $10,000,000.oo in legal fees thus far and the thing is, the jury could come back and slap both of them on the wrists with "Don't do that again" verdicts, and they'd owe another $1,000,000.00 or so in clean up issues no doubt.  If one or the other of them comes out smelling less than a wet dog in this whole mess, I'll be surprised. I won't say "I'll eat my hat" because court cases going to a jury can end up topsy-turvy! More jurors than not probably favor Johnny over Amber; it would be difficult to name more than one film she's been in, and the only reason we know she was in it is that they mentioned it a few times in the trial.  It's just a hot mess.

    Before someone can even BEGIN to think about bringing a movement of the Court such as a lawsuit for defamation of character, there will always be the initial interviews of the one(s) bringing the case, and that can take weeks. Weeks as in billable hours, and the average lawyer in the United States working that sort of law would be upward of $400 per hour. The average in the UK (just in case anyone in the UK is thinking of bringing a suit) would be the equivalent to that amount, but if you expect to bring an international suit, well, that's another penny or two. The average international lawyer would charge upward of $1000 per hour if they had a case to bring.

    In order for there to be an actual reason to move the Court, there would have to be an established ground(s) for the motion or initial Petition.  Before there could be a Petition filed, the side of the bringing party would no doubt check the evidence that was being presented to the office; maybe blogs, emails, correspondence, or recordings in which another party was defaming the party bringing the suit. There would need to be definite detail and sufficient damages from said evidence. You can't bring a proper suit with hearsay, innuendo, opinion, questions to someone, maybe statements that were not posted publicly, but perhaps asked in private chats or direct messages. You see, there is no damage when someone is merely asking a question even if the question seems ugly or unwarranted. Lets says someone thinks you may have a different lifestyle, or they ask you or someone else if you are dating someone else other than your spouse. You can't call that defamation. They asked a question.

    The defaming part must be PROVEN and it must be MALICE before it can be considered for suit. I mean, no lawyer would accept a case he/she couldn't receive payment for, and if the person you're trying to sue is just as poor as you are, and you're not even able to pay for 10 initial hours of work, then you may not have a pot to piss in, as they say. You may not stand, you may not be granted your day in court. You may just have to realize that defamation literally means you lost fame over the matter, and you lost money or work, or maybe you were running for president and you lost votes.  You could sue because you were mentally "damaged" or hurt (stressed) by the words of some "cheeky toxic" person. You can't expect to get punitive damages if there were no actual damages to begin with.

    Let's say you manage to get the lawsuit off the ground, you paid the initial 10 hours of initial work, and you're off to the races! You're going to sue someone! Congratulations, you just got yourself a one-way ticket to a deposition where you have to prove you weren't crazy or in need of mental healthcare PRIOR to the suit. If you spent say even one week in a mental ward for stress related illness PRIOR to the defamation suit, you will not be able to prove the difference between your diagnosis before and your current diagnosis. God forbid the other side asks the Court for another evaluation, and they drag up all the many times and months (years) someone has actually sought help for stress, drugs, drink, anger, abuse, and/or suicide. Did what they say REALLY cause MORE damage? How do you prove that?

    Before your side of the aisle can even depose the other side you'll be deposed by their side. Your friends, family, doctors, arresting officers (if you've been arrested for public intoxication or violence) will be deposed. Can you imagine if you wrote or responded to someone and said something opposing the claim or question they asked, but it was PROVEN in COURT or in depo that you are in fact exactly as they questioned or posed? Perjury is a real thing. Sworn testimony is a real oath. The penalty for perjury is severe and it often comes with not only a fine, but imprisonment. I know I would always tell the truth. I won't go to jail for anyone; I won't lie and say I'm this or that to save face. I will willingly and voluntarily speak the full truth under oath. Some of the first questions would certainly be about your history in order to establish their innocence of your claim. Something to think about. It is then PUBLIC RECORD at that point.

    Depp and Heard have money. I don't have money to spend on silly suits. I would never bring a suit against another person who didn't own $$$$ in stocks, houses, real estate, royalty equity, or maybe had a hidden stash of gold somewhere. An attorney worth his/her salt won't file a suit if they can't retrieve a great reward for it - - you're spinning your wheels. They'll take your first 10 hours and tell you how sorry they are for not bringing the case.  You're stuck. You're mad. You're just as UNDEFAMED as you were to begin with, and now you've got less money. Yeah, it's not a good thing, but hey, people think they've been slandered and they want something for it - - here's a thought. Don't fly your kite without knowing if you can handle the wind! It can take a nasty turn at any second and come crashing all around you. Best to know who and what you are so no one calling you names or asking questions can insult you or upset you - - you know the Truth and that Truth is all you need.

    Law is my first love. When I graduated college at Oklahoma City University, home of one of the best premier Law Schools in the Southwest of America, I had a full ride to the school.  My grades were 3.75 GPA, I was an honors member in Alpha Sigma Lambda, I graduated Cum Laude, and was really excited to start the whole process. I was a paralegal for an investigatory attorney's office. I'd been there 100 years I think, it was my turn to take over when the lead attorney retired.  The problem with the plan was that the judge in my divorce case decided I could have the kids or enroll in Law School. She can't do that, but she did. I chose the kids.  I've remained an investigator and an educator. I work both ends of the candle and have recently been interviewed for a position at at top notice legal firm as a Securities Investment Paralegal where I'll use my keen skills of tracing and tracking to find fraudulent sellers and buyers on the FOREX and the Stock Exchange. Oh...I am too excited about that.

    I think my point to this blog is simple.  We all get upset when we're called names, or if questions are asked about our personal character. However, it doesn't meet the standard or rise to the level of needing to be remedied by the Court. Somethings you just walk away from, you discuss civilly, or you choose to ignore them altogether. Let it go - - it isn't worth the stress and if you're trying to say you want to be less stressed - - remember that causing stress is just as real as having it handed to you. You decide.

Photo Credit:  UT.EDU  Alpha Sigma Lambda 

Mom Mode.

 Once a mom, always a mom. I guess you can say the same about a dad, but there are just so many more cases when a child is made fatherless by the choice of a parent than the other way around. At least that is the experience I have both as a person who has been through a extreme divorce, and a person who taught many hundreds of children who have been through the divorce and separation of family as well.  When I was divorced and going through a child custody Battle Royale, my ex was able to convince the judge that I was a maniac and that I had mental illness.  I think he used my raging hate and distain for him as a backdrop for his evidence. Could have been the fact that I not only threatened him with the business end of my Remington, but I learned to box as a younger sister and I let the man have it to the point of finding himself face down a few times either on the carpet or the concrete.  You just don't piss off a Southern mama. (FYI, I still box, and I'm just as good with my left as I am my right.)

    Whatever the reason, the stupid and inexperienced judge took my custodial rights away from me, claiming I was a potential hazard to my kids. Asshat! The thing is, as a Southern mama, I was protecting my kids to the point of death, and that's something that the Yankee-born judge wasn't familiar with. I suppose there are more subtle and gentle ways for a woman to show her methods of protection, but for me it was "come near here again, and you'll face Jesus!"  Looking back, I don't regret a thing I said, nor a thing I did. The kids ended up with me in due time, and having suffered at the hands of a truly mentally ill parent, they were grateful to be in the capable hands of a mad old wet hen!

    The judge decided that day, the day she took away my rights, to have both myself and my ex tested on a very professional clinical level so she could make a permanent decision for the custody of said children. She had us both subjected to a $1500.00 (fifteen hundred dollar) test, that took over four (4) hours to complete. By the time I got to through 10 minutes I was already bitching about the fact that the test seemed to be asking me the same questions over and over again and they weren't even clever enough to dress up the way they asked the question. It was quite literally the same question verbatim! I think it was designed to see how we would react after the 11th time to be asked. Bottom line, the results of the test proved that I am an E.N.T.J. (Myers Briggs) and he is something else, I can't remember, and I really don't care. My E.N.T.J. attitude and personality was all she needed to see to make a determination that I wasn't necessarily crazy, but I was blunt, forceful, honest, truthful, determined, dedicated, committed, and commanding. I was argumentative, I was demanding, I was insistent and I was expectant!  She gave me the kids with an official apology from the Court.

    Today, my 33 year old daughter was at the local Tag Agency getting her license renewed. Mind you it was to expire on Tuesday and this is the Friday before that. She had to be wrangled to go, and I had to literally driver her there to be sure she did it. That one can procrastinate and  it ends up costing her fees and penalties. I didn't want her to have to go to the DMV to wait in line and prove she is an American if she didn't get the damn thing renewed today!  

    We get to the agency and she's being questioned by two men who were fighting to speak to her. (She's cute, and she' looks 18.) Both men were in their early to late 20's and they were going over her application and checking out her address and noticing that she didn't have an apartment number but the records show she did.  She confirmed she did, and one wanted to know if she lived alone! WHAT THE HELL?  She was about to answer, Laura's like that, she just answers, but before she could get a word out of her mouth Mama clicked! I click. I use my tongue and I make a clicking noise. It's how I train horses, and for over 36 years now, it's how I get the attention of my kids.

    When Laura looked back I ran my hand across my throat to gesture not to answer the question. She smiled and said "I live with my brother. He's in the Army."  What an answer!  I would have said, "I live with Mr. Smith and Mr. Wesson", but OK, that works. The next guy wanted to know if she had horses since she had a horse on her phone case. She answered. He wanted to know more. She answered. He asked if he could come ride with her. I laughed. She laughed. We both just laughed. Why do people think it's OK to ride someone else's horse?  NO...you can not ride my horse, he'll throw your ass before you sit down on him. He's a bit of a brat!  She smiled politely and asked him if he had ever ridden. The answer is always the same. They rode in camp when they were 10.

    Anyway, the flirting went on and on, with Laura being far too sweet to stop either of them, but I could tell she wanted to be saved.  I looked up and said something like "Are you almost finished sweetheart we need to get you back to the center for treatment."  She turned and looked them in the eyes and in her best A.I. (Artificial Intelligence) voice began her goodbyes.  Laura is a talented voice actor as well as a gifted horse trainer.  It was just hilarious to see them back away from the counter at the same time as she took her new license (papers, they don't really give you a license now, they mail that.)  She looked at me as we walked away and said "Thanks, Mom. I don't like to be rude."  Well, I have never really had a problem with it.  

Photo Credit: Presbymom

Unraveling the Tapestry

 It's going to take me a minute to actually eat the Everything bagel with both lemon curd and butter. I made it for myself, along with cheesy eggs and a load of bacon. The thing is, it's well after 1:00 p.m. and this is the third day in a row that I haven't eaten anything for breakfast, nor have I felt even the least bit hungry enough to make myself consume a lunch.   I've been rather preoccupied with thoughts the past few days and it's been difficult to focus on my personal health. I think I'm OK. Adrenaline is kicking in, and when it wanes I do fill up with carbs for fuel. Not a good diet plan really, but it's working for now. It will stabilize, I will be OK. 

    One of the great things about the friends I have is that I can call one or two of them up and make a suggestion such as "Hey, wanna go to Vegas?" and at least one will agree to take off work on an instant notice to oblige me. It's really been wonderful being able to surround myself with spontaneous people who think like I do. We need a break. Take a break! We need beaches! Go to Hawaii. We need handsome men without the obligation - - Vegas. You pay to watch, you walk away.  

    I'm in the middle of purposely loosening the strings of a woven time, and it's not easy to do. I was there one minute saying a simple prayer, then the next I was being led by God to pray more, and to pray deeper. Over time that prayer life led to knowledge and information about the person I as praying for, and naturally because I did care, I wanted to help. They say it all the time, "No good deed goes unpunished" and that is exactly how I feel today. It's just going to take a minute to pull out the golden threads that hold the tapestry together -- it will take a minute to disengage my soul and my spirit from what I was accustomed to doing on a daily basis; prayer for a would-be, could-be friend.  Time heals and I know I'll be OK. I actually wondered if he would be OK then I remembered to pull that string too, and let it fall. I can't concern myself with it. It hurts.

    Maybe we won't go to Vegas or Hawaii.  Maybe we girls need to think outside the box.  One friend is German, the next is Greekian (our word) I'm of Scottish blood, maybe something neutral like the cliffs of Eastern Spain! Maybe that would settle our souls -- I hear it's lovely this time of year.  Probably not. We'll probably settle for North Carolina if we want mountains and beaches. We can go to one in particular that has wild Mustangs roaming the beaches. Humans are forbidden to approach, but if the animals approach, that's another story. I think there's a lesson in that actually. Maybe I shouldn't have tried to approach this particular wild animal -- maybe just observing and praying would have been a better way to reach his trust. I learned. I got kicked. I will survive. 

    Knowing what I know about taming and training Mustangs, I can actually put a few of the more reasonable thoughts together now, and I can see where I overstepped. I understand that my voice and my commanding nature would have been taken as a threat rather than a means of trying to rescue from the inevitable harm that I could see was encroaching on this man. Whatever the vision I saw and knew, he was still wild and untamed, unwilling to participate in his own recovery where I was concerned. I wasn't the flower he needed in his garden, and he was not mine to rescue. Observation and prayer would have been a better method in deed. He's tangled himself in the thicket again, and he's become caught in the rattle of life -- I can't do more now than hope.

    I once watched a video of how the 12th and 13th Century tapestries were made. When I was in my young 20's I had a friend whose family was incredibly rich, and come to think of it, she too was from another country. She was Italian.  Her grandfather had purchased a 13th Century tapestry at an estate sale in the 1930s and he had had it cleaned and then shipped to America.  It hung in my friend's house for decades. When a fire broke out in the kitchen of the house and spread to the hall, the family was asleep and barely escaped being killed by smoke.  The end result was the tapestry was caught on fire, but only a corner of it really - - it took over two years and $225,000.00 to restore it. In order to do that, the master craftsman that was literally flown in by the family, had to unravel the weave and reweave. He needed to restore it to the original status or try even to leave it in a better condition.

    Naturally, the original status of the dosser was compromised; it would never be the same. I learned so much one afternoon as the craftsman allowed me to watch as he unraveled it. I never saw him restore it. I just remember the care and the delicate means by which he removed each thread.  As he removed the threads he considered their damage. He considered which ones he could use again, and he made decisions about the way it was affected by the fire. Isn't Christ a little like that? He doesn't destroy the person we were before we accepted Him, but he unravels the bad and restores our lives with His good, and His grace, and  His mercy. We are new. We are not the same. We are changed forever, but we still have enough of what makes us "us" to be who we are.

    Bottom line? I can let go. I've been asked to step back. I've been bitten by the pony I wanted to save. It's OK, I will be fine, and the pony will eventually find his way either to a better place or to a place he can call his own. Some flowers are meant to be seen and some are meant to be appreciated at a distance.

    

 Photo Credit: Quality Tapestries. (This is not the one hanging in my friend's hallway)

    

    

Legal Action.

 Let's talk about Legal Action for a minute. People like to throw out threats about pursuing "legal action" when they feel threatened, stepped on, or maybe just guilty about whatever it is that they were caught doing and they don't want the world to know.  Wouldn't it be best to just have a chat with the person who has upset you and ask them to stop rather than to threaten something you have NO IDEA what you would be getting yourself into? Not to mention cost.  The cost of a lawsuit (especially an international lawsuit) would all but devastate a person's savings - - if they had a savings. When people are literally living off the pennies given to them they really need to consider using language less offensive than "I'll be pursuing legal action".  It may just be a bit of wholesome and healthy advice, but worthy of taking.

    Legal action involves so many things; cause is the main thing necessary. There must be cause or grounds for such movement of the Court.  In Johnny Depp's case he had reason to believe he was being defamed by his then longstanding girlfriend, but then again, Depp has deep deep pockets, and the fame that the trial has brought him over the past six weeks is enormous! You can't really buy that type of publicity!  It works out for people like Johnny Depp; but that's such an anomaly!  We, the average, who don't really have much to gain or lose by moving the Court one way or the other should probably stick to something simply like, oh, I don't know, music, writing, blogging, singing, soaking in the sun with our friends. Let bygones be just that -- gone.

    Three of my favorite "legal" words are: Discovery, Deposition, and Interrogatories.  I remember the first time I had to type the word "interrogatory" on a pleading.  Geez, has it really be nearly 30 years since I've been in the investigatory and/or legal fields of both insurance and corporate law? I guess it has been. Who knew? Years fly by when you're digging up things and learning what you can either for personal knowledge or because you're paid to do it.  The word "Discovery" is just that; it discovers literally EVERY LITTLE THING about a person, a place, a thing, the nature of, the underlying cause for the bringing of the cause. How do we discover? We use my 2nd and 3rd favorite words "Deposition" and "Interrogatories".  

    First, a deposition is something charged with questions and follow up questions, questions that may or may not have something to do with the case in genuine. A lawyer can literally ask anything whatsoever as long as he/she can justify to the Court the reasoning behind the asking, and that reasoning can be as flimsy as paper! It can be something like "I thought it may lead to discovery" or it could be "we think it is relevant to the case" (even if it may not be so relevant, it can stop a case in its tracks when the right buttons are pushed and the one being deposed chooses not to continue in the mandated discovery.) Interrogatories are questions too, but they are written out, asked and expected to be answered in a certain amount of time. If they are answered they may trigger the need for a deposition and that/those deposition(s) could be very very interesting in deed. A lawyer may choose to depose the one bringing the case, and he/she may decide to depose one's family members, former spouses, ex-lovers, mothers, fathers, you just never know. At least being married would save a man from having his wife give testimony -- that is, in America. I don't know about the rest of the world.

    Legal Action is not something to be taken lightly by either side. Best to settle before attempting the first movement or motion. Best to mediate if possible.  Best to get on with one's walk than to trip over the rocks he/she has set out in front of their own path. PUBLIC POSTING is just that, PUBLIC. Anything written or said (or sang) on the internet is for the WORLD WIDE WEB and subject to being seen, heard, used, criticized, speculated about, and shared - - often shared without permission. Oh, and that's another thing; permission isn't as cut and dry as one may think. There are local laws, state laws, national laws, international laws. Geez....best to just play it safe and accept that when you put something out there it is in fact out there. You can't get all huffy about it when it slaps you in the face or if you weren't expecting it to be exposed.  That's called "life" - - it's not always pretty.

    One of the best things about Legal Action is that it is a two edged sword. The sword cuts both ways, and exposes both ways. If there is a suit, there can be a counter suit in order to pay the fees, but in doing that of course there are in fact more fees.  Best to just live your life in such a way that no one can say anything about you that you haven't posted yourself. That way, if someone REALLY defames you, you have a leg to stand on  and you can move the Court through Legal Action. Best you realize that biting off more than you can chew is not always wise - - keep it simple. Maybe take guitar lessons or take a dip in the rustic waters of a foreign country! Live a little, and stop worrying so much about what others think.  We're not on this Earth long enough to really form an opinion that matters anyway.

    This has been a public service announcement for anyone who is silly enough to think that Legal Action is the equivalent to "Please stop, thank you".  Civility is king and it can be queen too.

in·ter·rog·a·to·ry

/ˌin(t)əˈräɡəˌtôrē/

adjective

• 1.conveying the force of a question; questioning:"the guard moves away with an interrogatory stare"

noun

• 1.a written question which is formally put to one party in a case by another party and which must be answered.

Photo Credit:  www.stuff.co.nz

PARTY!! Party in MY ROOM!!

 People can brag all they want to about all the hard core partying they did as a kid, or maybe they're still doin' it now, whatever!  I don't even need a milkshake to bring all the action to my bedroom, nope; all I have to do is leave the damn door open and it's a full house friend, it's a FULL HOUSE and it's EVERY damn day.   We have three cats and two dogs living with my daughter and I, and let me tell you, once that door opens after Laura's woken up to get ready to go to work, all of the animals who were once nestled quietly and rather lazily in her room and laying on top of her, all come over to my room where the real action is. PETTING!

    Once Laura wakes up and all of the critters are stirring about, hoping to be loved on, they soon (very soon) realize that she has absolutely no time whatsoever to give them the time of day. They don't even huff or puff about it anymore, they just mosey the few steps from her room to mine, and they invade my sleeping quarters. Ginger and I have been the victims of petting parties for literally seven years! One dog comes and goes, another one takes its place. A cat up and dies on us, well, not to worry, Laura is fast about getting right back into the swing of things to be sure I am covered in fur from the moment I think about waking up until the moment she decides to go to bed. 

    When she enters her room (and this is quite hilarious really) Laura does a little high pitched siren song that draws out nearly every nerve in my body to the point of plugging my ears with my two index fingers. The cats, however, think this is their call for lounging about, and for the next few seconds they try and resist her calling - - only to surrender, but not nearly soon enough for me. I can deal with squeaking bagpipes all day long, but that cat call is amazingly annoying!  It's a wonder her nearly 15 year old dog can still hear the calling, but he does and wherever he is at the time, he also finds his way to her room for the night. There, in the reptile-lined walls of Laura's bedroom (6 geckos, a bearded dragon, and a skink live in enclosures around her room) the animals thump their tails and demand attention -- which they are obviously satisfied with night after night, but in the morning - - the party is moved to my room.

    You'd think we would be able to change up the routine a bit, maybe, Oh, I don't know, live in separate houses and I could enjoy my peace with just one dog and maybe a cat if I decided to break up the herd? Do cats come in herds? What's it called when you have  too many damn cats? I know a lot of dogs is a pack, a lot of owls is a Parliament; cats should be herds. I'm calling it that because you can't really herd cats, but Laura can! It's supernatural the things she can do with animals, but she can actually herd cats with that song - - I have one talent when it comes to these vile and nasty creatures I love so dearly; I love them and that's the only thing I can do. I wish I could hurl them into the other room when they pounce and begin their insisting -- even covering up my head with my blankets isn't a good defense. We must dance the dance of flapping arms, rubbing heads and bellies, and the cooing of kissing is seemingly endless with these three!  When the dogs join in there is no hope for returning to the land of slumber; we party!

    Once my body is risen there is another ritual that must take place; the walking of the hound! Party time is limited to when and where the dog decides to take control of my day. Lately I've been able to squeeze in just enough time in the morning to go to the bathroom before the demands begin -- thank you for letting me be a human every now and then!  I deserve a bit of ME TIME and I am so very grateful when it happens. Walking, treat giving, feeding, petting, loving, opening the back door and closing it 50 times a day, there is no end to what we do for these foul task masters with furry bodies. I am reminded of my youth when it was my chore to take the hounds to the pond to get their daily running out of their systems -- nothing changes; only addresses. Hounds still hound. Cats still CAT and they CAT all damn day and night! 

    One day we will all go to Heaven and it will be so very glorious to have the right to say it's MY TURN to relax and be at peace -- all dogs go to Heaven, we know this, but there is really nothing guaranteeing us that the cats will be there! Who am I trying to kid on that one? Jesus knew exactly what He was doing when he gave us the cat -- He was making us aware of our every flaw, our every insufficiency and our pride. Cats don't have owners they have staff, peasants, and we gleefully surrender while the dogs pity us and become jesters to keep us sane enough to live another day to keep them fed. It's a cycle; and not one I would care to change really - - maybe just a little bit; OK, a little tiny bit, but don't tell them I said that, they already bite my toes when it pleases them to do so. I don't need more affliction!

Photo Credit: Me (Fat Sammy and Bilbo)

If Dreams Were Real.

 So, there I am again, you know me, minding my own business. This time, like all the other times, I was just sleeping and like I said, minding my own business, when my mind decided to divide itself into reality and the imaginary.  I could see myself walking down a path, I remember waving at people, probably people I knew, and then I saw the strangest thing.  I saw a man and his son lowering a wild boar from the back of a pick up truck and onto the ground just beneath them. They were using a strap of cloth for a girdle type hoisty thing that would be used to lower the boar without hurting it. The material spread out rather evenly under the belly of the boar. WHAT in Heaven's good name could that possibly mean?

    I decided to look up the meaning of what it means when you dream about wild boars because looking up what it means to see yourself walking down a street waving at friends isn't all that challenging now, is it?  When you dream of a boar you can be dreaming about so many things, but believe it or not, as assertive and aggressive as boars are, dreaming about them is a very positive thing, and not a negative one. OK...let's dig into this...or should I have said "let's root into this"?  I crack me up sometimes.

    According to one source, dreaming of a wild boar could mean that you are facing your confrontations head on, you are willing to deal with any conflict, and it could also mean that you are willing to be the one to do the dirty work if need be. I can see that. I make things happen. I rarely wait on someone else to do their job before I do mine. If I waited on most people these days I'd still be waiting. No thank you. The boar in me says I need to be aware, alert, lowered to the ground so I can do my work as I see fit. I'm OK with that. I lead and I make sure those I'm leading are taken care of before I take care of most other things including myself. That being said, I am also a proponent of loving oneself so that they are capable to being a good and solid trustworthy leader.  You need self awareness to help others who are trying their best.

    There is one more part of that same dream that was a bit weird and/or odd. There was a house or building I needed to get to and I was about to enter it, but to do so I had to hoist myself up and over a small body of water. The water wasn't deep, I could have just walked through it but I didn't want to. I swung myself up and over and landed perfectly inside the front door.  Again, the stranger the better for me when it comes to looking up the meaning of a dream (if there is one to be found). I don't do Tarot, readings of any type really, and I don't believe one should seek advice from those who are not followers of Christ.  Dreaming is not a bad thing, nor is it a sin obviously. We have accounts of dreaming in our Bible and we have accounts of those who were righteously able to interpret the dreams as well. There are good sources if you look.

    Avoiding water in a dream can be as simple as that, avoiding something that is good or avoiding something that is potentially bad. I was recently mistreated at work and I think maybe the dream is telling me that I did the right thing by avoiding the confrontation I could have, but taking the situation to the HR was a good choice. Let them do their job to settle the matter. Yes, as the boar is willing to confront, the boar was being lowered or assisted. Perhaps the entire dream is one letting me know that all will be fine. My abilities and my capabilities are not in question, just perhaps the easiest thing to do was to mistreat me hoping I would leave so the friend of another employee could have my position. I could have fought, stood my ground, made a scene or even collected evidence and made a legal matter of it. Instead, I decided to write to HR and ask for help. I avoided the water, it could have been shallow and it could have been deep. I don't know.

    I'll tell you this, I want the dream about Jesus coming back to actually happen!! That's the one that really doesn't need any interpretation whatsoever...we flew off of this Earth and into Heaven! Let's go!! That's one dream I could have over and over again and never get tired of it. At least I had my clothes on when I jumped over the water into the building - - nothing is more inconvenient than to be standing in the office or a crowded room without your trousers or your panties! Tell me I'm wrong.

Photo Credit: AG FAX

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS MONTH - MAY.

 The month of May is the month to be aware of the very very important need to be help others who are not able to cope with life the way many others do. For some "coping" means to push through the pain, just put it in gear and keep moving!  That can work for  awhile, but then things can start to really feel hard to handle, and the pressure of it all catches up to us; and walls begin to crack.  For some it's more about hiding the truth from everyone because they feel ashamed, embarrassed, overwhelmed, or defeated. No matter what they do they just can't seem to find the good in a situation long enough to sustain something worthy for themselves. "Why bother anymore?" becomes a tiny question starting out, but then that grows into a thought, then a plan to maybe bring it all to an end. They say "No one will even notice I'm gone" or maybe they know someone will notice but they don't seem to think it really matters much.  I hate that. I really do.

    I say it all the time, and I really mean it when I say it, there really is another way. There really is a better way. I know, I know, it all sounds so churchy and over the top religious but in the end isn't it something bigger than you that you're looking for? Why not let that something be God? Why not let that something that can help be the help? Why not give in to the one thing that can actually do what He says He can do? After all, what do you have to lose by trying something a little churchy? 

    Mental Health is not something to keep quiet about and it's not something to hide or be ashamed of either. When we fall and break a bone we don't try to repair it ourselves do we? If we treated our emotions like bones it may make a bit of a difference when they became broken or injured. There are places we can go to seek help, but as the old saying goes, you gotta wanna before it really works. Believe it or not, there really really are people like me who do give a damn about how another person feels but some of us aren't that good at expressing that we care; you have to help us help you. There are others who pick up on the clues and the signs of depression and/or anxiety immediately, and they can offer assistance; you have to know there are others who will and can be depended on in most cases. 

    Stress and anxiety from change can happen even if that change is good change - - it's change! It hurts to be new, it hurts to try, it hurts to take a leap of faith - - but you don't have to do it by yourself when you realize that the month of May is also there for those who are willing and hoping to help. Maybe if we all sort of put in a bit more effort to seek help and serve others who need help, we'd all find a way to meet in the middle somewhere and make a greater effort to (at the very least) put some of the bad feelings and destroyed emotions on the better path(s) to being restored - - or reborn into NEW beginnings (that aren't so scary) and with open-arm acceptance for both the healers and the healees -  is that a word?

    A good friend from a previous employer told me tonight she just didn't feel like going on anymore because she's never felt that she had any say in how her life was going to go -- her parents commanded her in the beginning, she was in a rather abusive long relationship, once she broke free from that the man caused her to lose her long-standing job because he worked there too and had pull.  These events led to depression, personal abuse, hateful thoughts about herself, and more.  I hadn't spoken to her in about a year, and that's my fault. Things can spiral pretty quickly if events happen one right after another! Throw in a few lockdowns, deaths of friends and family, job loss and debt, children, or you name it, and you're looking at a heap of trouble for more than just the one person seemingly being affected by all of the mayhem! Suffering is never an isolated situation, and the chaos grows and spreads so quickly! We need many more May Days!!  We need 24/7/365 awareness not only of our surroundings, but of our extended friends and family - - community!  

    I saw a poster in a doctor's office that read something like this:  You feel good. Tell your friend you feel good. Encourage them to tell their friend too.  We can do this over and over again and soon our entire community will feel good. Multiply that by another few communities and you've got a state feeling good - - take it another step further, get more states feeling good, you've got a good feeling nation. Dare we make it happen?   YES....Let's dare!

    Recognizing the problem is only part of the solution. Understanding the problems is just as important. Talking, sharing, caring, giving, being there, and just being willing to listen can be the greatest gift you can give sometimes. Being aware is not always giving or throwing money at the issue, but holding hands and really trying to understand where the other person is coming from, what is hurting them, and asking ourselves what if anything we can do to make that pain less or eliminated all together. No, it is NOT easy and YES, it will take time, effort, and actual self surrendering in order to be the change someone needs from you.  When it all comes down to the wire - - why not try prayer?

    Some people will say that it feels hypocritical to pray since they don't really believe in God in the first place, and that makes a whole lot of sense really - - but you put your faith in the chair you're about to sit in; why would you do that? You see it, you've been around chairs, you get the concept of them having a purpose. God has hands and He's never far away from you - - just waiting to hold you at the first request from your lips and heart. He is literally waiting to do that; He knew there would be times like this and that's why so many years ago He gave us the solution. ASK.  Ask Him for His help. It's not the least bit hypocritical if you start believing by testing the waters to see if God really does care.

    I wish every day was Mental Health Awareness Day. I wish everyone would stop what they are doing and say to someone in need "Hey, how are you today? Is there anything I can do to make your day better or help you find a way to smile again and really feel it?"  We can't just sweep depression under the rug and pretend it doesn't exist. We can't expect people to snap out of it, or buck up and make things happen - - it's not within them to do that; not on a sustainable basis. Everyone can fake it for a little while, but we need real change and real care.  We need real help and real social reform when it comes to accepting and understanding that there are so many levels of understanding and accepting. Compassion is the answer - - but so is action. Be willing to be there; it's not as hard as some make it out to be. Giving up a sitcom or a drama show to make a connection is a start - - so is texting an invitation for a conversation to start; be there for someone. There are a great deal of someones needing a good pair of ears to talk to.

    I guess what I'm saying is May shouldn't be the only month we pay a bit more attention, but it is here now, and we do need to pay that attention - - it's a good place to start. If you need help please reach out and find it. Churches, community centers, hospitals, friends, neighbors, family, and even people who you think would maybe give a few minutes to you - - ASK!  We can't all read minds, but we can all do a bit more to read souls if we try.  

In the US:  Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a Crisis Counselor

In the UK: Hotline: +44 (0) 8457 90 90 90

Photo Credit: Tools To Thrive #toolstothrive 

 

Fitness Update - Changes - Challenges.

 The Spring Fitness of 2022 has turned into a HOT one as Oklahoma has seen temperatures flirting with triple digits for two weeks and it's only May 19. We had a 92 degrees day in the middle of April! I'm not a fan, let me tell you -- I've probably already said that. I need a t-shirt that says "Not a Fan" with a big fat smiling Sun right in the middle of an Oklahoma wheat field or something. Just not fun at all.  Here, we have four seasons: hot, cold, storm, and football.  I like football. 

    I decided in August 2020 to change my life style and to change the way I see and eat food. I didn't do the Noom method, but I understand it. Their basic philosophy is that food is your friend and it can be your enemy if it's used or taken wrong. It's a good method, but I don't need the motivation that perhaps others seek. I saw myself and became really disappointed that I couldn't move and function the way I wanted to. I couldn't ride my horse the way I used to, and that was enough to set me on the mission to lose enough weight to do that; which happened, but I'm not finished with me yet.

    It's been nearly two years since that August morning when I set my mind to making things happen. There's no turning back when I do that. I am my own motivator. I am my own gladiator. I make myself listen to me even if no one else decides to do so. I have kept all of the weight off that I initially lost from August 2020 to February 2021, which was about 42 pounds. I still have about 30 more pounds to go, and I've decided to call them POINTS rather than pounds because my body need something to aim for, something to work with.  Pounds are pounds and they'll come off with the right amount of exercise and good diet. I haven't been as diligent as I need to be, so I still have those same 30 pounds just sitting right where they were 15 months ago (in the middle). That must change.

    One of the challenges with me has been my knees. I won't say it's been my age because age is a number, but my injured knee is an injured knee.  I was a gymnast, then a barrel racer, and then I walked and climbed a bunch, and after that I got old, but the knee has been bashed around, knocked around, slammed and just put through it. I have another knee on the left side that didn't seem to be as abused as the right one. I have no idea how that happened, but it did. Both knees, if you can believe it, are the same age, but one is older than the other in terms of working correctly. This is something that needs to be remedied and not by having the good knee go bad - - nope! It's time my muscles put in a few more work outs to support said bad knee. This is where the points come into play.

    We all know that to lose a solid pound of fat from a body, that body has to have a deficiency of 3500 calories and it doesn't matter if it happens in a day, a week, or a month, the deficiency is about points and numbers, not time.  If I work on the calorie intake and the exercise to have a calorie output, I will create the needed deficiency to earn a point!  One point = on pound obviously. This is a better method for my brain than trying or hoping to drop inches and pounds. I'll know I've dropped enough when I can't wear my shorts because they fall off and I need to order smaller t-shirts from Tee Public!

It's the same dance and it's the same song, but I'm willing to spice it up a bit using a more head-in-the-game technique. I will meet my personal goals and this is how I will do it. 

• 8 hours of sleep
• 12,000+ steps 5 days a week
• 1500 calories intake
• 100+ ounces of water
• limited sugar / carbs (by limited I mean LIMITED)
• Battle Rope 3x a week
• Weight training 3x a week
• Vibration plate 15 minutes EVERY DAY with weights
• Box 2x a week

The calorie intake may seem light for some, but it's not. You can pack a lot of low calorie foods into a good meal if you plan it. Red meat is a no-go really, but I think tonight I have taco salads planned. I can start the no-red meat thing tomorrow. I can do eggs over meat anyway, and I can eat a heck of a lot more grapes than I do trail mix. I was really into that great and so very awesome trail mix, but yeah it's higher in calories and I don't need that. Grapes have a bunch too, but it's a better type of calorie -- did you know they had degrees? Truth.

    

    There you go - - for the most part it's the same thing as before but with a bit of organization and accountability to myself. I owe it to me to be the best I can be. I am the only one I'm going to get! Walking is the only real exercise I can do that my knee won't protest.  It doesn't like me boxing, jumping rope, jogging or climbing.  The pool will open soon enough and that will be a daily thing. I don't swim, I run in place and try to make as many waves as I can. I'm a wave maker.  By this time in August, just two years from the day I decided to make it happen, I should be really close to the goal. I may not hit the full 30 by then, as it's only 10 weeks away, but I can give it my best! I can see to it that I keep my goals in place and work toward them.  Who needs a social life, right? I'm good.

Hydrate!  (It's Oklahoma baby, HYDRATE!)

Photo Credit: All American Swim

Training and Learning.

 You've heard people say "That person is on the Spectrum" as if the Spectrum was an amusement park ride or something. It's almost as if they are saying it (sometimes) as if the person has a problem that can't be addressed with reason or training.  Guess what folks, we are ALL on the Spectrum.  That's sort of why it's called the Spectrum. We are all on separate points if you will, at various levels, points, scores, scales, whatever you want to call it, each and every last one of us make up the actual Spectrum.  It's just that some people with special needs are called out for having been placed on it, while those of us who are considered "normal" or "healthy otherwise" are patted on the back and told how superior we must be because of our ability to function. Shame on us if we ever do that! 

    Once, I was obligated by morals and ethics to point this point out to a person who was training me on my position. Sweet as she was, she was behind the gun herself in terms of what is contractually obligated for her to produce for the company. Training me or anyone else, for that matter, takes time away; valuable time, and she needed to regain it as quickly as possible. I do understand, but if she wanted me to do the best job possible she needed to understand that we are not all created equally, no matter what our forefathers may have told us.  Each of us is a learner and we learn in various varied ways.  Some of us are readers and we think, and some are doers and we do. Some of us do both, need both, have to have both, and then we have to see it again, create images of it, and so forth. No one is saying any one way is better, but it did seem to irritate my trainer that I wasn't as quick to pick up the reasoning and understanding of certain tasks.

    One of the ways I tried to assist with her understanding of training me was remind her that I am also a teacher, a trainer, and that from all the (many)  years I've had students under my charge, I can guarantee you that not one of them was exactly like the other; that goes for twins too! No one is the same. I also reminded her that each of us takes in to consideration the scope and essence of an idea and we roll it around in our brains, even toying with it, before we make decisions about it to the point of cognitive reasoning. I challenged her to Google it since she's of the ilk that likes to gauge everything by what can be found on a search engine.  Go ahead. I know I'm right, Google that!

    I asked my trainer this question; tell me if you agree.  I asked her, "Have you ever played football?"  She said she had. I asked her if she had ever run the plays as directed or if she just took off running hoping no one would catch her and drag her to the ground. She assured me she listened to the coach. I said  "OK, I'm listening to you. Are you going to hand me the ball and point or are you going to explain things to me and show me the obstacles in my way? Do you want me to make the play or lose ground?" She got my point.  You don't do something once and then say it's been discussed so do it. You don't say "We recorded it so you could go back and watch the recording" because the recording was 1:37 hours long and I wouldn't know exactly where that one small point was in the recording. I could spend 30 minutes looking for a 15 second clip. It's best all around to just tell me again - - no skin off anyone's teeth, and it brings a bond between us. I appreciate her, she understands that I trust her enough to ask.

    Because we are all different, I wanted to also show her that in my personal experience, once I have something down, I have it down. I still remember the cheers I wrote in the 7th grade for myself and other girls. I remember the moves, I remember the cadence. It's in my brain.  In the 3rd grade I learned a song for all 50 states in alphabetical order (you're singing it now aren't you?) and I remember it. It will never leave me. Once I learn it, it is learned. This was the main reason I became upset with her when she changed the training to reflect a new or different way of recording information. I had learned it already and the new way would all but eliminate the old way, making it impossible for me to get it out of my head! Sort of like when the judge tells the jury to disregard that last statement - - not happening. I will never not remember the way I was trained and now I have to paint over the old and hopefully it won't bleed through at the wrong time.

    We are all on the Spectrum, and every day, 100 times a day, our emotions or composure can change us to the point that those scores change a bit -- it's fluid in a way.  We need to recognize that others are in the middle of emotional battles every day, and not everyone is "sane" or "normal" all of the time. Many of us face issues so personal that we don't bring them to the surface at work but they are there. It could be loneliness, homelessness, addiction, abuse from a loved one, maybe someone we love is dying, it could be anything -- stress, anxiety, just hunger. Anything can trigger the scores to move a bit, and to shut off our learning cells long enough for us to record the information incorrectly in our minds, or even skip instructions if we are feeling overwhelmed. We'll still say everything is fine so we don't lose our jobs, or we don't upset the applecart, but the truth is we need a break!

    I count my blessings, which is a great way to reassure myself that all is going to be just fine. If I lose a job and get depressed over it, I know that God will find me another one, and I'll be OK soon enough. I can't waste my soul worrying over things I can't control. I can control my breathing most of the time, so when I get upset I try to breathe. This often makes things quiet for a minute and the other person has the opportunity to ask if everything is OK.  I don't know about you, but I am usually pretty honest, and I tell them no, it's NOT OK. I'm overwhelmed and need to stop for a minute, take a mental note, take a break, walk around, get my thoughts gathered, and come back to it when I'm able to forge ahead.  We all need that -- I wish more educators, parents, employers, even friends understood that.  We can't be the same as the next guy - - we are THIS guy!  It is supposed to be this way. It was designed to be this way. We were asked and even commanded to be patient and to to help and encourage. There's is not ONE verse in our Holy Scriptures that say to be rude, uncaring, forceful or overbearing. Quite the opposite. We are to love, cherish, care for, and be willing to help.

    It is written, so let it be done! Be kind to others. You really just don't know what is going on with them. This is Mental Health Awareness Week (May 9-15 2022)  Be thoughtful as you think  about what you can do for yourself and others. It really really really does matter both in the long run and in the immediate.

Photo Credit:  Nature.com

    

Stephen Went Boom Boom!

 So, if you know me, you know that I try to mind my own business! There I was, in my car (Stephen) just stopped at the red light because that's what I do; I stop at red lights.  While stopped I was looking at the vehicle just in front of me, the one that decided to try and make it through the yellow light before it turns red. I was even thinking to myself, "If they just stop it would be so much better on everyone. Yellow means slow down, not speed up and try to make it!"  Well, just as I was thinking that I heard the unmistakable sound of tires screaming to a halt -- behind me! Then, you guessed it, BAM! Apparently the man behind me was hoping all of us would be going through the now very very red light. NOPE.  Poor little Stephen took a smack right in his backside; and hard!

    My daughter is forever saying that people who drive Dodge trucks are just asshats. They tend to run red lights, turn corners on two wheels, high-tail it out of parking lots without giving a damn if a kid or a dog is crossing in front of them. There's just something about the mentality (she says) about Dodge truck drivers. Well, turns out she was right this time!  Not only did this guy have a Dodge Truck (Ram 1500) it was older, the grill was completely missing, the front panels had been replaced, the hood had another color than the side panels; this truck had been in at least a few bang ups before this one. The guy driving it was what my daughter would call a very typical "A-Type Man without a brain", again, her words. I would say he was a less than attentive driver who felt that texting while driving was his way of multi-tasking and it didn't work out for him this time. It could have been really bad; thank God it wasn't.

    My insurance mind kicked into overdrive, and without speaking even a single word to the man I exited my car safely, walked around to the back of my car, took photos, took his photo, took photos of his tag and called 9-1-1.  As I'm reporting the incident to the dispatcher the man decides to call  out to me and say I didn't need to take his photo, he wasn't a criminal, he just hit me, he's not going to lie and say he didn't. That's good news. The thing is, I don't know him. I have never met him. He could be a murderer escaping the scene of that crime and got nervous and hit me; we just don't know. I decided to continue my conversation with the 9-1-1 dispatcher and I decided to describe not only the two vehicles but the man as well. I even told Dispatch what was printed on his t-shirt. I thought that would make him happy enough to back away and stop trying to talk with me.  He was basically saying we didn't need to call the cops. Too late! I'm on the phone with them, and yes, I wanted him to be ticketed. He was on the phone while driving, he hit me, he caused damage, he needs a ticket -- and if he didn't have insurance I wanted him arrested right then and there.

    The Dispatch asked me to pull to the nearest parking lot so I did. I didn't tell the man what I was doing, I just got in my car and slowly pulled around the corner. I figured he can either follow me or he can leave. He knew I had taken photos; he followed me.  He didn't try to talk to me after that, he just sat in his car and I stood outside mine. Yes, before you ask, I had my knife on me until I saw the cop car rounding the corner, then I put it back in my car.  No need in dragging that into the conversation. I had it if I needed it, I didn't need it, I put it away. I was also on the phone with Laura because as many of you know, my daughter Laura is a superhero and could be with me in an instant if called upon to do so! LOL.  Today is also her 33rd birthday, so she was really happy her mom didn't die today.

    The cop was super nice! He got out of his car and walked over to me first. He pulled out a card and began taking my information and side of things. He took my license, I showed him my GEICO ID card on my phone.  He then did the same for the Dodge driver.  In a minute or so the cop (Officer Terry) stepped from his unit and gave me a piece of paper with the case number and told me the good news was that Mr. Dodge Driver and I both had GEICO insurance.  Albeit that his was only liability, that's all I need!  I'm really hoping it all goes really easy and fast. I don't want to drag this out really. It's bad enough I had a flat just two days ago in Stephen and now this! Poor baby car!  I was literally on my way to get the donut removed from the back passenger side and replaced with a new tire, when this happened.  The Discount Tire Center was happy to hold my appointment for me! Great guys.

    The back of my car is a bit crunched. I've had my adjusters license for a minute, so I'm putting the damage estimate at about $3000-3500, and hoping I can just get the check and be done with it. I was actually thinking of selling the car anyway, so maybe I could just trade it in with the $3000 and get a new car.  I could also keep the money and trade with it, make more money and pay off this car or buy a new one. I don't think I'll use it to pay the mechanics to fix the car because I can turn the money into new/more money which will ultimately make me happier because I can say I turned a bad thing into a good thing, and that's always fun.  I won't gamble the money of course, I'm a trader with rules. If I can take $3000 and make another $3000-5000 from the trades I think that's a better way to handle the situation. Why give the mechanics all the money? I can earn more, fix the car, and maybe sell it as is. I'm just glad I wasn't injured!  I do have a headache and I took some Tylenol as soon as I could. I was going to walk today, but think I'll rest. I may even soak an extra 10-15 minutes tonight just because I can!

    God was really great to me today; I want to take a minute to thank Him and let Him know I truly appreciate the lessons I learned. I've been guilty of picking up my phone when I'm driving too. I only use it at stop lights, maybe this guy was doing that as well. He actually admitted to the cop that he was on his phone. That's amazing, and probably a bit careless. I don't know if he did himself any favors with that one, but it was nice to see that he didn't argue - - then again, he had a truck without a grill and his truck's puncture wounds in the back of my car's bumper, scrapes and bumps all over the backside, and there's that fact that the Dispatch heard him say we didn't need to call the police. Officer Terry told him that it was a good thing I called the police, as there tends to be a bit of one-sidedness when they aren't called. I will always call the police because you just never ever know who it is that has hit you -- and you don't know what they are capable of doing. 

    Bottom line: Stephen will be dimpled for a minute; battle scars!  He's only 3 but he's traveled 42,000 miles and he needs a bit of loving.  I had the tire replaced after the wreck, and I'll get 3 more in a couple of weeks.  By that time I should know what the outcome is on the claim and I'll decide if I should keep Stephen and have him fixed, or if I'll sell him to another good person and start a fresh.  We just don't know. What I do know is, I stop at red lights, and everyone else should do that as well -- and not use their phones when they drive. Just a suggestion, but in Oklahoma, and other places, it's the LAW! Again, I'm really happy we're both OK. Cars can be replaced, people can't be. God is great.

Photo Credit: Me