Happy Birthday To Me! (November 22)

Mariel Hemingway, my Facebook friend, was born on the EXACT day that I was - - here's the proof that God decided one of us should be gorgeous! Hahahha...I love you Mariel, you won that one! At least I have "cute" going on. Some say I got that from my mom, but you should see her father. He was the cutest of the bunch. Old, nearly hairless, big honking nose,ears that stuck straight out and I think his mouth was a bit large too - - and those BEAUTIFUL dentures sparkled! He was adorable.

Being born just three days after my Pop, the day before Thanksgiving, to a set of parents that already had 3 other kids under the age of 3 and 1/2, one may think that I was a bit spoiled. I would have to agree with you on that one. I am 100%, no make that 200% spoiled; just ask my sisters - - Andie was mistreated because she was the oldest, Linda was mistreated because she was the middle kid (and she was mean as hell) and Mike and I were spoiled!! Mike was the only boy you see, and I am - - and will forever be - - the BABY!!! Even at 48, I'm the BABY!! I love my title.

So, what will I do this Sunday to celebrate my 48th birthday on this Earth? Probably hang out with the two most gorgeous young ladies in the world and have ice cream somewhere. My baby boy is still in the Army, but he'll be home soon. A couple of years ago he surprised me on my birthday and came home a little early for R&R - - I was so thrilled!!! In 2006 I was kissed on my 45th birthday by none other than Jesse L. Martin - - and THAT is one heck of a way to celebrate one's birthday ladies. He is so handsome, and he smells - - SO - - good. This year, Ardmore, Oklahoma has me clasped in her hands. I think the girls and I will walk the streets of Downtown, go to the Old Fashioned Soda Shop and just have ourselves a shake. Maybe I'll write my name on the graffiti wall and just be someone special for the day.

My birthday, so close to Thanksgiving, has always been a day for reflection and for thinking about what all God has done for me - - and that could, if I wanted it to, take all day just thinking about that. I suppose for 2009 I can honestly say that I am so very thankful for so many things not the least of which was getting out of Texas when I saw the light - - but I returned too. I went to Strawn and Gordon to hang out with the "Ladies" and Andy Martin of C.A.R.E. and we filmed a little segment for a T.V. show. I've been recorded many times this year on T.V., radio, and podcasting for Faith's message, and that's amazing. I met Norma Palen and Cheryl Maguire of Cher Marketing, they'll be taking Faith's message even further. I met Anthony Tortoriello in 2008, but this year we've gotten so much closer and he's now the official photographer for Faith. I couldn't have made the website without Randall Goya! Man - it has been an enormously fantastic year. Oh, and I have to wave and say hi to CINDY PAPALE .... I met Cindy online too.

The one thing I believe I'll call my birthday present this year is the great proposal that Seattle based author Rudy Yuly and I have come up with called "Faith Walks". A 51-page book proposal now in the hands of the best NYC publishers and editors that Ken Atchity (my agent) could find. Perhaps for my real birthday they'll call Ken and tell him it's a "Go". That will be cause to celebrate....and change my life completely for the much much better. However, kissing Jesse L. Martin was fairly close to perfect! LOL

So, Happy Birthday to me....I love it. I'm exactly where I should be, and Jesus is more than invited to celebrate Sunday with me at the soda shop. I wonder what He would order if He was there in person/God. I bet it's chocolate, WE ALL KNOW He created it because He loved it up in Heaven, c'mon....it's CHOCOLATE. Me too God, me too. Thanks for 48 years.

Dropping Those Brats Like Hot Potatoes! LOL

See this? Do ya? Do you have any idea what is it like to try and raise perfect children when you yourself can't claim even an inch's worth of perfection? All the expectations go out the window after week one when the baby springs a leak you can't manage and then the other one who isn't more than 14 months old decides she wants to be like her baby sister and throw off her diaper to get poop all over my freshly cleaned carpet. Of course, I don't even notice Laura has done this until I step in the poo while carrying the leaking screamer who somehow managed to drink 3 gallons of water and it was now coming out of every opening in her tiny wet body! Sisters!

Well, it's a good thing they finally got big enough for me to kick them both out of the house! You heard me, I'm kicking them both out, and I'm taking over (reclaiming) their room, the hall bath, and my LAUNDRY ROOM which will only have my laundry in it from this day forward. No more hair-pulling fights between these two over whose panties the green ones are, because EVERYONE KNOWS the green ones are Laura's and it's a fight that goes on week after week that I no longer have to listen to or be a referee for. NOPE, they're gone!  But where are they going?

Since Laura and Caity both decided to go against their mother and enroll themselves into Oklahoma STATE University, rather than the University of Oklahoma, they could find themselves homeless. I gave them options: They could live with Reuben in Iraq because they could both sign up to join the Army, they could find roommates and do what ever other college bound kid does, they could co-habit in run-down slummy rooms with 11 loafers refusing to pay rent or utilities, or they could go to the University of Oklahoma and live with me rent free as long as they attended classes and did their homework. They chose to option D which was for me to pay for their apartment right outside the back steps of my own place....How did I not see that happening? The girls were home schooled their last 2 years due to their schedules with Faith and speaking engagements that literally took them around the world. Sometimes they would travel together and sometimes they would travel separately, but they were always in each others faces about it -- and hugging as much as they were fighting. 

Laura is on my bank account because Laura won't take a penny from me without asking. Caity is NOT on my accounts because before I earn a dime she has spent it. If she KNEW how much money I have I would not be able to keep the lights on because she would have withdrawn it for food, clothes, beer, whatever she wanted, and that's why her big sissy Laura was called upon to do the unthinkable one day - - without and I say it again, without my permission.  Caity talked Laura into putting down a deposit on the apartment right outside my house and to tell the landlord that it was approved by me. If you know anything about Laura you'd know she couldn't pull that off if she was slapped straight first. She can't lie. Caity had to do the deed. Laura was the one called upon to write the check. She had to at least do that much. 

I came home from work like I always do, I was minding my business again, like I always do, and they were moving things out of the apartment - - little ants marching in and out of the back door, but their cars were parked out front, why were they walking out the back door with their things? It didn't take me long to figure it out. They were moving in next to me...in an apartment I knew not one of them could purposely afford.  I gave Laura "the look"....she avoided my eyes, she avoided my hand too when it came back around to swat her!  "CAITY MADE ME" was the the last thing she got away with before I broke down laughing at her.  (The landlord had called me to be sure  it would be OK, but the girls didn't know that).

GONE!! GONE they are...or soon will be. Nasty brats they are!  I bet you 10 to 1 they come by for dinner tonight and every other night for the next year.

What I Won't Miss

Crying Like a Baby - - Or More Like a Silly Woman

I woke up a few days ago to the site of black rice under my kitchen sink. That can only mean one thing -- I have mice in my house. So, because I don't have a cat, and I don't have a snake, I couldn't expect to catch it and have it be used as a natural source of food. I set out trying to find a way to catch the thing and put it back out into the open field from where it came. The city I live in obviously hasn't had many women like me - - women who don't want to kill the mouse, but want to let it continue living it's little grey furry life outside where he/she truly belongs. I say that, I say they belong outside, they may feel they have the right to live with me in a warm house with ample food supplies and great pools of water (dog bowls). I began searching the stores for live-traps but didn't have any luck. I got a few stares, I got a few laughs even, but I didn't find any live traps....so I waited. 

 When you have one mouse running around the chances of there being two or three are pretty good. Waiting isn't the best solution. I'm not afraid of them, meaning when they run from the frig to the stove I don't scream. I usually talk to them and say "C'mon I don't want to have to kill you, can't you just go outside?" They don't speak English, these mice. They don't ever speak English - - they don't get it. What they do get is into my dog food, into my apples, into my candy - - and of course when one of them actually ate through my Dove's chocolate bar wrapper stealing my precious chocolate - - my decision was made a bit more clear. He/she had to die.

 The choices are terrible! (A) glue boards will certainly do the trick, but they die of starvation and they scream out in fear when they get caught. (B) the wooden/spring traps are scary to work and take two or three tries every time and usually the mouse can outsmart me - - not usually, always...but at least they die quickly. The problem with that is I do not want to take a 1/2 mouse out to the garbage can and try to pick up the other half without looking at it because I'm crying and I can't see straight. (C) poison is out of the question! I say out of the question -- I have dogs. I can't have poison standing around. Even the little black D-Con "house" things are scary because my dogs like to chew things. Wow...no good choices. Finally after talking to the mice, and not being listened to; after realizing their sex lives are far more aggressive than my own and knowing NO mouse wears a condom, I decided that waiting even a week would prove to be a family affair. I got the glue boards. At least with the glue boards I KNOW I'm going to catch mice -- and spiders, and scorpions, and moths, and anything else silly enough to go under the appliances. I KNOW they work - - they're cheap, and the BEST part is I talked my daughter Caity into tracking them and throwing them out when necessary. Not IF necessary, these things work every time. 

 It happened. Just a few minutes after I sat them in place one of the curious furious came creeping out and didn't like what he/she saw and darted - - not making it across the board before being caught. Wham! FAST! and then I cried. CRIED, and CRIED, and CRIED. I knew I would. I ran to Caity's room and begged her to kill it fast. She did. She used a little bleach on a q-tip and it drank its last. WHY do I have to have such a soft heart? WHY do I have to care so much? It's a MOUSE and it's nasty right? NO, it's not nasty - - they just become nasty if they stay inside. I understand the food chain - - I do. I understand the reason these guys multiply so fast is to keep up their end of that chain too - - owls, snakes, other rodents eat them. They're quite popular lingering down at the lower end of the chain - - but I do wish they'd stop lingering in my house. I can't take much of this. God bless the Caitys of this world - - and the Laura's too - - I think she may actually speak MOUSE; not sure. One down, many more tears to go. (sighs)

12 YEARS in PACKER Captivity - I am Free

My boy was 10 years old when he came home from school and announced that he was going to be like Reggie White! I about fell out of my chair. Reggie was the ONE MAN that I had prayed to God about when I was pregnant with my son and not married. I wanted my son to be giant, strong, worthy, God-fearing, and yes, I wanted him to play football. There was NO GREATER man on the field in 1985 (when I was pregnant) than the Philadelphia Eagle's (Not a Packer yet) Reggie White. In 1996 when my baby made that announcement, Reggie was a Packer. We became Packer fans at that minute. No more Chicago Bears for me. I was told by Reuben that (according to Reggie) you had to pick your team. You had to make a choice. You were either a Packer fan or a Bears fan and you could not (under any circumstances) be both a Bears fan and a Packers fan. (The question was, what was I going to do with my Walter Payton jersey?) It was - - Good Bye Superbowl Shuffle, and Hello Pack! Reggie was too big to argue with. He had made a very lasting impression on my son.

Over the next few years Reuben met Reggie on a number of personal visits and occasions. Each time Reggie hugged him, told Reuben to be the best Mama's Boy he could be, because there "ain't nothing better!" Reuben was the man of the house by age 11 and if he said no Chicago Bears - - well, OK, I'd just have to fold up the old SWEETNESS jersey, and root for the Pack. I even wore the Cheesehead.

Reuben knows I'm moving to Chicago. He's 23 now, old enough to be make all of his own life changing decisions, and so I approached him today with one I wanted to make. I wanted to be released from my pact to be a Packers fan for life. I wanted to go back to being a Bears fan for a number of reasons. The Packers were never really MY team, I was a fan by proxy - - all the while, unbeknown to my son, I would secretly cheer for Da' Bears when Reuben wasn't listening -- and if I had nothing else to do, and wanted to rile the boy up -- maybe get a good fight going, I would root for Da Bears when HE WAS LISTENING!! Those were fun moments! I love them...I run fast and hide, but I do love teasing the boy. I did it when he was in Iraq just to make him scream into the phone! It worked.

So, today, October 22, 2009 -- after 12 years of being forced to hide my pride, and to keep my mouth shut on matters of Da Blue and Orange - - I was RELEASED!! It was 5:05 p.m. Central Standard Time.....I was allowed to, by permission of the man of the house, to become (or return to) a Chicago Bears fan again!! YEA!!!! Now, don't get all blown out of shape when you read that the man of the house had to, or needed to give me permission - - it's a respect issue. I let the boy believe he's in control of a few important things, and he lets me think he's a virgin! Hahahahaa...Oh, that's funny, never mind, I'm laughing, I'll be OK in a minute.

I am a Chicago Bears fan again. Wow, just the thought of it makes me want to run out and buy season tickets now. I can say this; although and even though I'm not suppose to, I'm going to be a Packer's fan too - in that I will hope they do OK. I will hope they do well. I will hope they don't get injured and I will pray for their toes to stay warm on the Frozen Tundra....unless they play Da BEARS!! I love it!

THANK YOU REUBEN!!! Oh, and if Reggie had remained an Eagle, well, then I'm sure we'd have been Eagle fans. We're just still 100%, no wait, 1000% Reggie White fans. There ain't no better thing to be. God has Reggie now, and we'll see him when we get to Heaven. He remains my son's eternal hero, and that's OK with me.

I may still be able to fit into my Walter Payton jersey! I just have to find it!

More Like "Provolone Hill Puppy"

Photo of the REAL Swiss Mountain Dog is not mine. Just found it on the internet.

We're not telling Brody, our new Jack Russell terrorist, that he's not a REAL Swiss Mountain Dog. We're telling him that his is a "cousin" to that breed, better known as the "Provolone Hill Puppy". You can see by his markings that he's going to be absolutely beautiful when he grows up to be the mammoth that he looks like he could be - - but for now he's just a little thing, a bit too small to jump on the bed without assistance.

Dr. Wayne Dyer would be so proud of me for the empowering and encouraging lectures I give to Brody, whose full name is Sir Henry Wallace Brodrick. I tell Brody that he's big, he's tall, he's brave, he's determined, he's tough, and he's on the path to the being the best Provolone Hill Puppy ever! I read quips and little quotes to him every day from my enlightenment calendars - - things like "From this day forward you are who you believe you are!" I tell him that he's doesn't have to be 120 pounds to be a Big Dog. King can be do that - - Brody just has to be Henry Wallace Broderick, the best puppy God intends him to be. (Right now he's working on surviving being tackled by his more agile and aggressive little sister Teagan who needs absolutely NO encouragement...none. She's got the Jack Russell heart of the fearless down just pat!)

For years I have had a picture of the Greater Swiss Mountain Dog on my refrigerator and I sometimes tease Matrix with it, telling him that he'll be replaced when he dies with one of these - and I point to the picture. He usually turns his nose up and walks away - - he knows I love him. For years I've told the kids that if we ever do get a big dog it's going to be a GSMD....and then Caity brought King home. Well, OK, but I want my Swiss Mountain Dog right? I mean, I'm the mom! I'm the one paying the bills (why is that?) I'm the one with the right to say who does and who does not live here (no I don't but I like to pretend I have that power.) So, when Caity got around to ALSO bringing the two little puppies home for us to foster - - for us that means keep, I fell head over heels in love with Brody. Even secretly giggling when the person Caity gave him to got in trouble with her parents and couldn't take him - - OK, c'mon, I only laughed a little bit. I wasn't mean about it, and she never really saw me do it either.

I kidnapped Brody immediately and began whispering in his ears that he was going to be the biggest Provolone Hill Puppy EVER....and where that wasn't quite the very very same as a Swiss Mountain Dog - - it was close! I've always wanted to be Native American, but that's not going to happen either, so I listen to Spirit music, and I go to the woods and meditate - - there are steps you can take to be whatever you wish! For me, I dream. For Brody, he just has to keep gnawing on the giant bones, pretending to be a power chewer and next time when his little sister grabs him by the throat and pulls him to the ground he can.....growl or something. Maybe, if she doesn't take his head off for it.

He's still young, we'll do this! Manifest it Brody boy! Manifest it!!

"FAITH" the Definitive Book

Some dogs spend all their waking hours under the bed and just hope they don't get bothered by puppies - - Faith does that too, when she's not working.

The thing about Faith is that she's so wonderful, so amazing, so incredible that allowing her to be under the bed all day seems out of character to some of those that know her as the super-hero, mega-heart-healing miracle that she is. The truth is, as you'll soon be able to read about in our new definitive book (working title) "FAITH"...that she's anything you need her to be. She can be a dog, she can be a nurse, she can be a pastor, a warden. She can be your best friend, she can be your buddy or just someone you see from a distance and realize that they have their life pulled together and you needed that glimpse of a really put-together soul to get your own life kick-started. Faith is ...well, she's just about EVERYTHING but to be honest, to tell the truth, her ordinary dogness is the most extraordinary thing to most people who meet her.

The book focuses on what Faith isn't. She tells the story from her point of view, so there's no way she's going to refer to herself as anything but a two-legged dog in a four-legged world. She'll tell you that she gets to fly first class on American Airlines and that she goes to hospitals to see soldiers and kids. She's going to tell you about the time she got kicked off the White House lawn, but see - - Faith doesn't realize she was kicked off. She was just talking to a squirrel on the other side of the fence and didn't have clue-one that you weren't allowed to stick your yellow nose through the gate to do it - - police were everywhere! We met them all! Now, she will also tell you have bored she was while it took those police 45 minutes to move us off the premises because several Congressmen and women wanted to have their picture taken with her when word spread throughout the halls of the nation's capital that she was outside breaching security!

Because we're just in the infantile stages of writing this book I won't tell you too much. I will tell you this: We've asked several dignitaries and some celebrities to write little blurbs about the times they met Faith, what her message means to them, and how her story impacts them personally. NFL great Vince Papale was asked today if he'd consider writing a word or two -- we think he will. We have great commitments from some already. We have a famous writer, a wonderful TV hostess who cried the first time she saw Faith in person and a rock star that screamed like a girl when he met her at the airport. We've also asked a couple of soldiers who Faith had the greater privilege of knowing when we visited them in Walter Reed Army Medical Center and at another base hospital on the West Coast. (Those are the REAL rock stars!) Yep, this book will certainly make a big splash - - to be really keen, I'll even go so far as to say it will walk upright on it's OWN TWO LEGS. (had to do it!) LOL

What the book doesn't promise is to be truthful - - dogs don't get every detail straight; too busy being humble you know. What I will promise is laughter, tears, a few untold secrets about what a dog really thinks when we're not looking, and what Faith looks forward to most. Why the words "Let's Go" get her so excited - - I'll give you a hint: it means she's about to kiss a man or woman in uniform!

It can't be easy being the world's most photographed dog. I guess a few dog days under the bed is OK when the rest of one's life is spent changing the world one heart at a time - - well, sometimes thousands at a time in her case. Look for the book to be out in about 1 year and keep up with Faith at the new Faith Train website at: www.boardthefaithtrain.com We just signed on FABULOUS music composer Alan Williams (www.alanwilliams.com)for some background music...Whoot! Whoot!

What Are Best Friends For?

So, you go through life and you have friends - - people you meet and have fun with. Maybe you have something in common with them and you just sort of stick with them through something and that sort of brings you closer to each other right? Well, let's start with Matt Clark. Matt is actually Spc. Matthew Clark and he's Reuben's been friend - - they met in the Army; which is really cool when you're old and someone asks "How did you guys meet anyway?". Matt is a little younger than Reuben, not too much, but they have a thousand things in common like football, gun-talk, cars, being crazy, snow sledding on trashcan lids or little kiddie-pools. They've been through a damn war together, but in reality, when they were both in Iraq they were separated for nearly a full year! WOW....that was one good reunion. The slopes of Alaska are in trouble again as it's already snowing and the boys are stocking up on toys together. Come December my son returns to me, but because of their love for each other, I have TWO sons in the Army now! (and a beautiful daughter in law too, because Matt got married to Brit this year just before Valentine's!)

What if your best friend outweighs you by say 10x? Say you're an 8 pound cat and your best friend is an 80+ pound St. Bernard mix? There could be some benefits to that I suppose. My best friend (Jeannie, seen with her hubby Darren below) can't put my entire head in her mouth and there's no way I'm letting her sleep on top of me every night. I mean, I love the woman, but no. Essie is the cat we were fostering and when she and King met in June it was love at first hiss...for King. It took a little while for Essie to realize that the mammoth was only growing bigger and that she'd probably better become his friend at 30 pounds before things completely got out of hand. For King, he was certain they would hit it off. So certain his idea of surrendering to the feline was to roll over her time and time again to let her know he really and truly felt something for her. Cat's don't really have bones so it worked out OK. Essie is gone - - but King has fond memories of his little buddy I'm sure.

Oh yes, then there's JEANNIE...my bestie bestie! She's been my buddy since August 22, 1977. That was the first day of my sophomore year and her Sr. year in high school. She's not really that much older than me, I started late and she was very young going into the first grade. She didn't have to go to kindergarten, I did, it started up in our state the year I was suppose to go to first; so we may have ended up just one grade apart - - but I digress.

Jeannie's best friend Karen was friends with my best friend Jen and the first real day of classes that hot August day found those two, Karen and Jen, running around looking for their lockers and classes leaving Jeannie and I completely alone with each other. I had on a Bee Gee t-shirt. She liked Barry, I liked Maurice, we agreed to be best friends. It doesn't take much when you're thrown together I suppose.

Since that day I'd say we have agreed on 3 things. The Bee Gees being one of them. Then there's OU football, and we both like Taco Bueno over Taco Bell. Other than that we are polar opposites. Jeannie loves rap and hip-hop music also, me...no. I'm in to jazz and Celtic world music. Jeannie is a left-wing Democrat and I'm a moderate Republican. I drive like a grandma she drives like a 14 year old without a clue. She won't even tell me how many tickets she's gotten because she knows my FACE...the FACE. She's into fashion, makeup, and all the girlie things -- I climb trees and catch tadpoles...but I do show them to her. She acts amused. Oh, there is something else - - we like the Zoo.

I guess my point is, that Matt and Reuben are being separated soon. Essie and King are now no longer a part of each others lives, and as I prepare to move to Enemy Territory (Texas), I know that I will be separated from my bestie bestie too - - and that makes me sad. The only thing I can think of to tell her that I love the heck out of her, and no, she still can't drive when she comes to visit. That's just not going to happen. My car, I drive....but I do love her.

Update Kids - September 2009

Dream Manipulator!!

Laura was so cute; just lying in her bed sound asleep a few minutes ago. It's 2:40 p.m. so I figured she needed to get up.

 Rather than yell at her, shake her or cause her to be uncomfortable I decided to spray a light scented body spray over her bed and let the little tiny particles drift down to her face. You should have seen her reaction. First she was just laying there, no change - - but within a few seconds her eye brows lifted; and then the little smile. At first it was just a little showing of her teeth. Soon a little broad grin pulled across her face and I could visually witness her eyes rolling, knocking on the back of her sockets. Three or four seconds passed and the smile disappeared. Just as I thought Laura would drift back into her deep slumber I heard a little muted sound, something like a grunt, but it was pleasant. 

I saw my little girl's eyes open and shift from one side to the other and she back to blink.."Mommy, I had the best dream." She stated...then she thought about it and added "Why do I smell lemons? I smell lemons! I dreamed I was in a lemon pudding mom, it was weird, I was swimming and it was really warm, and ..." she trailed off. I grinned as I held up the spritzer (citrus). I figure I can do this to all my kids every day and have them become a lot more livable! 

 I guess it should be noted that the kid sleeps most of her life away but I don't mind as long as she sings and dances and has a good healthy life otherwise. She eats well, poops well, and works from time to time. Perhaps in the very near future she'll get her 5'8" frame to Tokyo and sing professionally -- we're hoping she can start that part of her life next week. To hear Laura sing online go to www.smule.com/lauraropen she was playing around with it, but she's pretty good! I love my kids.