Let Bedlam Continue - Boomer Sooner!!

BOOOOOOMMMMMMEEEEERRRR SOOOOONNNNNNNEEEEERRRRR !

Here in Oklahoma we don't have Bedlam Weekend. We don't have Bedlam Week. We don't even have Bedlam SEASON...no, we have BEDLAM! You are either born into a Sooner household, or you are born into a Cowboy household, and often times you are born into a House Divided, and in that case you can still come out OK if you begin loving the color RED early on! Go ahead, cut yourself and see if you bleed Red or Orange. That's how you can tell if you're really a Sooner or not. Anyone NOT bleeding RED is NOT a Sooner. It's a simple test really.

We Okies don't take kindly to anyone asking how Bedlam Weekend is going to pan out? We don't even know where to start with that one. We wear our colors year round. We drive our cars with ragged-out flags waving during every season. We give each other jabs and nods all year long, and we throw things at each other in the grocery stores when no one is looking! We go around putting our Crimson and Cream t-shirts in front of the Orange t-shirts at the stores, and we put all the Cowboy memorabilia high up so the kids can't mistakenly pick it out and want to take it home! We go the extra mile during certain times of the year, this weekend being ONE of those times.

Here in Oklahoma we sometimes have to celebrate Bedlam Week often with both sides coming together at Thanksgiving, and we bring our frustrations, humblness, game stats, and new game t-shirts to Grandma's house. Those of us who can brag, boast, poke fun at, and otherwise jeer at those who have to sit in the OTHER room because they know their place - - at the back of the line! We laugh because the cranberry sauce is Crimson, but then again pumpkin pie is orange. We remind each other that we have 48 hours to be friendly, and THEY had better remember to bow when they need to. (We're usually Baptist so we don't really mean that literally.) LOL

Oklahoma has a tradition or two, and yes Bedlam is one of them...we have been known to say words we don't mean, throw a punch or two, or even break a good table over whether or not a play was really valid...it happens. Then someone reminds the offenders that we really do have 48 hours to be friendly and we go back to smiling, laughing, giggling a little and forcing the babies in the family to say things like "Go Pokes" or "Boomer Sooner"....weeding out the weak ones. I personally gave my son a red football to suck on instead of a binky, and it panned out. My sister dressed her little one up in Sooner red only to have her marry some guy from the other side and now she has to sneak Crimson kisses to her own grandchild, who by the way is wearing CRIMSON this year in her Christmas picture! That's right Peighty! BOOMER SOONER! (Say it three times to your daddy and Aunt Jude will probably pay your way to college!) LOL hahahaha...how mean am I?

OK...so there you have it - - OU BEAT TEXAS TECH 65-21 on MY BIRTHDAY yesterday, and we're on our way to visit the OSU Cowboys in their house on Saturday night. We will win this one, and we will take the BCS and we will take our 8th National Championship EVEN if we have to take it from TEXAS to do it. (Big Words...and yes, I'm hoping I don't have to eat them, at least I'm a vegetarian and they won't taste like crow if I do.) BOOMER SOONER BOB! BOOMER SOONER BOYS! Do it! You know, this is a good week to be in the GREAT State of Oklahoma if you're visiting...you get to see it all - - stay long enough to appreciate the love, and leave before the final score gets posted...cause it's gonna GET LOUD!

Happy Veterans Day 2008

Baby Boy with tats on the gun.
Reuben and another in the snow
Ashley and her brother George - both Sgts (Army)
Marcus and Laura Levering (Army)


Baby Boy is active, but he'll be a Veteran some day. I will therefore celebrate not only those who are retired from the military, but those who are active and still making it happen for us!

I got these pictures of Reuben today and thought how very similar he is to my dad when he was in the Navy in the 50's. Pictures of my dad show him showing off his muscles, being all big and strong for the ladies, and just laughing and having a great time. You've all seen the photos of the men and women in the armed forces with their faces are serious, trying to look tough enough to eat sand and bullets if they had to. Well, this is a new generation - shouldn't we be a little more real about it? These kids are kids! They know their place, they know their duties. They know they have to be hardened in the field, watchful and ever-ready to do battle. They also know they have plenty of time to throw food at each other, go chase down a donkey near the Iranian border and ride it back to camp! (Who would do that?) LOL

Our soldiers are artful - some writing poems, music, songs, and stories about their adventures. Remember all the great music you heard in Forrest Gump? Remember Robin Williams in "Good Morning Viet Nam?" You can't be all serious - you can't be all buttoned up and squared away all the time. Let's take a minute to celebrate the love, the hearts, the smiles, the bravado, the craziness, and the camaraderie that these guys/girls bring to the uniform too. Let's take a minute and say thank you to anyone willing to wear that uniform and just be there to protect us so we can sleep or go to the bank without fear. Let's also take a minute to pray a prayer of gratitude for the levity, the fun, the humor, and the strength that these soldiers have inside of them. Strength enough to share and not to worry too much when they get caught both with their pants down, silly hats on their heads, sleeping with their friends, or goofing off with tanks!

Viva la Soldiers!!! THANK YOU!!!!!

Mr. Mayor - is That Really Appropriate?

It is NOT official - no one in the city of Arcadia, OK needs to worry JUST YET - but in 2010, or perhaps just before that, Reuben Stringfellow (currently Spc. Reuben Stringfellow, proudly serving in Iraq through the U.S. Army) will be making his official announcement. First we have to find out all the specs on exactly how to run for public office in the state of Oklahoma. Reuben's very excited about his possibilities. Should I warn the great people of Arcadia now? I mean, he'll be known as the foul-mouthed Mayor, or the burping Mayor. Maybe he'll change a bit before it's time to actually run. (Actually he'll be known world-wide through LinkedIn, Facebook, YouTube, and Oprah! He'll be the SMILING Mayor of Aradia, Oklahoma!)

There are currently 283 people living in the city limits. Of that about 200 or so are of voting age. We'll be asking them to register if they are not registered, and to vote of course for Reuben when the time comes. He has to finish his tour of duty in Iraq, then he has to return to Alaska for a couple of months. We can establish his residence easily enough - my father and mother have lived in Arcadia since Reuben's birth, and Reuben has legally lived with them on several occasions. His plan is to buy property as soon as he can, and to begin shaking as many hands as possible. Now, if that means sitting at the roadside Route 66 landmarks such as the Big Red Barn, Pops, and/or the Washington Irving monument to his camp site - drinking beer with the boys, kissing the girls, and just being an all-around Sooner bred Good-ol-boy, well, that's what it may take.

He's happy about his chances, he's wanting to do so much for the little blink-and-miss-it community, that to hear him and listen to his excitement, you'd think Arcadia was Edmond. (That statement really only works if you're a local...it's like comparing a bass to a dolphin!) LOL So there you go - Reuben Stringfellow, Mayor of Arcadia! (Hopefully) We'll work on the campaign sign designs next week - get the commercial set up, decide where to shoot, when and where it runs, and maybe start a newsletter in the community so he'll have someplace to post his picture other than the post office. Hahahaha....Oh, sometimes I just make myself laugh. Love you Boy! (He'll have to clean up his MySpace now)
What's funny about all this is Reuben! He realizes that not many people will even be allowed to vote for him - maybe 150 will get around to it. He also realizes that the current mayor has been there for quite some time, and he doesn't want to upset anyone. Arcadia, I believe is the stepping stone for what may very well be the path that leads America to a Kingdom rather than a democracy if Reuben has anything to say about it. He's always spouting off "When's I'm President I'm going to change this!" Well, he thinks he can. He believes that holding the office makes one all-powerful - - and where that's commendable - it's also quite naive. We'll let him start with something manageable and see how he does - - maybe we'll all be spared the imperial attitudes of the would be leader of the free world. But how do we know it will remain a free country from now until the time he turns 35 and is legally qualified to run? That's a point to think about!

Arcadia is a little bedroom town of literally one quarter of a mile this way, and another quarter of a mile that way I think. Maybe land wise it's a full square mile - albeit it is quite uniquely situated! Arcadia happens to the Eastern boundary of the Run of the Unassigned Land which took place April 22, 1889. There's a marker to prove that. Washington Irving camped out there while traveling through - perhaps he had The Legend of Smokey Hollow in his mind or pen at that time. There are several Route 66 landmarks in that little area including the Big Red Barn, the newly built Pop's; a soda-food station to be challenged. It's awesome. There is also an annual rodeo, an actual post office, several little antique shops, and of course the school where Reuben went to Kindergarten, and parts of 1st, 2nd, and 3rd grades. We moved and came back quite a lot. Arcadia seems to pull the boy back to her arms.

We'll see how he does. He'll be a college student when he runs. He'll have had three years of military service, a four-year high school education and football career behind him - lots of taking orders, learning to be a leader, and being able to strategize when necessary. He'll be young yes, but he'll be physically, mentally, emotionally, and passionately involved - - he's a Stringfellow! We know no other way - must put 200% in if we want to be successful. Like I said, I won't start the campaign sign's design just yet, but I've been asked to take several photos of the area, topographic and otherwise, so that he can be studying "his" locations and "his" territory while he's in the tank thinking again about why he's in Iraq in the first place. At least Arcadia, Oklahoma would know they had a Mayor that put everything before the Lord and behind his tank! Boomer Sooner, Mr. Mayor!

I Sleep With a Blond Bitch - and a Brunette and Red Head Too!

It is true. I have a three-dog night nearly every single night. In fact, the only time I don't have three dogs in my bed would be the nights that I'm actually out of town and sleeping in a hotel with Faith - - no Matrix, and no Rupert. Faith of course if my blond bitch; by that I mean she's a female dog. Honestly, she's really very easy to sleep with. She lays right up against my back giving me support, and she rarely wakes me up. The only real complaint I have about Faith when she's sleeping with me is that she will eventually turn and begin kicking me off the side of the bed - - so I do have to stand my ground from time to time.

Matrix lays at the side of my legs before I actually fall asleep, then sometime in the middle of the night when he knows I'm at my most vulnerable moment, he crawls in between my knees. I'm usually on my stomach by this time; Faith on the upper side of my body, and now Matrix pinning me down with the length of his fat 28 pound Beagle/Dachshund body between the knees - his head over the left, his butt and hips resting on the back of my right leg completely cutting off my circulation. I suppose that could be a bad thing huh? Rupert is the wild card. He's either laying on top of my head so I can't turn my face to get away from his long haired body, or he's literally on top of my back - as if I was the highest point of the bed therefore he had to be the king of the hill at all costs.

I recently watched an infomercial that my mom suggested that I watch - she was joking of course, we've always slept with dogs. I was sleeping with my Beagle/Dachs Rover at the age of 1. My son Reuben was only 3 days old when he began sleeping with Angel, a full-blooded red-hairy Chow Chow: Talk about a watch dog! NO ONE came close to my kid! The infomercial suggested that sleep disorders were increased and even sometimes caused by allowing pets to be our bed mates. The highly qualified and well-meaning doctor suggested that we allow our pets to sleep in their own beds - - allowing us to sleep through the night without being disturbed by those needing to adjust themselves or to go to the bathroom. Something was mentioned about aggressive behavior in bed, and the fact that sometimes these animal bed mates can keep us up for hours but fall fast asleep the instant they close their own eyes - and it also brought up the sensitive fact that animals are flatulent - often.

Wow - I thought about that. Let's see: Don't sleep with animals because they make noises, roll over, scoot about, need to relieve themselves, could be aggressive or playful wanting your attention, and when they've successfully woken you up they can turn off the switch and go right back to a peaceful slumber without any regard whatsoever for your feelings....right...doesn't that...maybe .....describe most marriages? I'm just saying - - Dogs don't steal the covers, dogs love me no matter what I say, no matter what I do, and the simple fact is - we all fart! Bring on the dogs doctor - at least the herd in my bed are loyal, would fight to the death for me if required to do so (except perhaps during a thunderstorm) and they never, absolutely NEVER accuse me of sleeping with other dogs!

Say Goodnight Faith

Faith the Dog - Sgt. Faith

It was a great three years I have to give you that. We began touring sometime in 2005 with Faith going to schools, churches, counseling sessions, and military bases to see if she could bring the same joy to others as she did locally...and she did. We began our journey thinking it was just going to be fun, I needed to make enough money to support my family, and I needed to be able to get Faith's message out to the people who I believe needed it most. I can say without hesitation that we met our goals...well, not financially, but in every other way.

Finances should not have been the problem that they were. I couldn't and still don't quite understand why a person or a company would make a claim or a promise to me and then not fulfill it. At first I believed it was just an oversight, a mistake or mistatement. Time proved differently to me, it proved I was just a bit too nice or maybe naive to be in the entertainment business without a full time manager or agent who can not only find the work and performances, but can demand the money to be paid upfront. Mike Maguire is a manager/advisor and he's darn good too - but even he couldn't force some of the people who promised us to pay when they were suppose to. Many of these performances we ended up working for free - and you just can't pay the car payments, rent, electric bills, or buy food for the kids on an empty promise. Mike was as astounded as I was this summer to have 2 very different and very separate endorsements promise to pay by August 1 - and then declined to do so. Should I have seen it coming? A friend of mine in L.A. says I should have - he's a movie producer who did a motivational film with Faith. He and his staff paid us well, and paid us every single time they booked us...they were rare. I love them for being honest good people, but it hurt when he told me that I should have realized that people lie. I don't lie.

Because I have NEVER EVER not even ONCE been misled by the United States Army, the Marines, the Navy, the Coast Guard or any municipality - I will continue to take Faith to bases, hospitals on bases, V.A. hospitals, and humane societies if they are sponsored by municipalities. Schools and churches unfortunately are among the top places who just never seem to have what they pledged - but at least they didn't MEAN to let us down. It's just a fact of life - schools and churches don't have the means to bring out motivational speakers most of the time...and that's after all what I am, I'm a paid motivational speaker who happens to bring my dog Faith along for the celebration! Somewhere along the time people began wanting Faith to endorse their products and we said OK...until they stopped paying us, refused to uphold verbal agreements, refused to uphold written agreements, and refused to follow through with their promises. You just can't explain their lack of integrity to YOUR creditors - not easily or with result.

So, it is with heavy heart, tearful eyes, and a spotted wagging tongue that we say Faith is now entering into retirement. Sure, we'll allow someone to do a movie about her. Sure, we'll uphold contractual agreements that are already in place, and yes, we're open for more bookings - if they pay upfront! I know that sounds terrible, but maybe all of this has taught me to be a little meaner - a little more business, and less nicey-nice - - which is sad - - but it is a business. (Please don't tell Faith it's a business, she's simply in this for the smiles. I wish I could be too!)

It's been a fantastic, and phenomenal ride - I've been so privileged to have met some of the best people in the entire world....and I will no doubt see them again throughout eternity. God certainly blessed me..He blessed Faith...He blessed the world with Faith. She won't say Good Bye yet - we'll be around if you need us, but for now, until such time that we can do this - Good Night.

Those Born on October 27

A Comparison!

These two - great and wonderful people have more in common than the woman pictured believes. She has a way of being a bit negative, not allowing herself to break out of the protective shell she has built for herself - but other than that, she and this man, this God-Sent man, have a lot in common other than just the fact that they were both born on October 27. (Theodore Roosevelt, pictured here as a very young and handsome man) was born 150 years ago today! Niki is slightly younger.

TR was indeed a dynamic man. He saw things in a way that others felt was over the top, or a bit aggressive. Niki sees things and wants to change them as well. She has great ideas and tends to maul them over in her mind a bit - I think if she were born in Teddy's time he would have been attracted to her not only because she is such a dark and mysterious beauty, but she is athletic, thinks out loud, and she comes up with really cool ideas. TR, unlike Niki, takes those ideas and blows them way out of proportion! He wanted world peace - he therefore kidnapped the leaders of Russia and Japan who had been arguing internationally, and he put them on his Long Island docked yacht. He took them for a little boat ride, refusing to return to shore until they could work things out. He won the Nobel Peace Prize for it, today our own president would be arrested for it.

When TR was young he had asthma - Niki has asthma. They both decided to do something about it. TR boxed and walked briskly for miles and miles every day. He rode horses and he forced himself to breathe. Niki runs and has finished in the top rankings of women in our city several times. She doesn't let her lungs stand in the way of her dedication to the sport - something else too; both TR and Niki are writers. They have ideas that they can't keep inside their heads. They believe, they dream, they think! If TR were alive today he'd scold Niki into putting her book to paper and getting it out there for the world to see. He'd tell her that it didn't matter if anyone else liked it, it was her work and it deserved to be seen. I tell Niki all the time that I envy her for being born on my very favorite man's birthday - Scorpios rule!

Both Niki and Teddy are animal lovers. Niki wants to open up a puppy palace and let the dogs run free for acres and acres. She'd sleep with every one of them if she could. She's pictured with her Jack, a Schnauzer, and my daughter's puppy Yuki, a mixed Chihuahua. Teddy had animals in the White House and on the lawn for years. He even had a badger living in the White House named Josiah! Imagine Bush or our next president even suggesting that! Gone are the days of real glory in that place.

So she's another year older and he's still 60 - up in Heaven no doubt smiling that big smile and chasing something from the saddle of a grand white horse. I doubt Niki will jump on a horse today, but she sure better think about chasing something - that DREAM of hers.....it can't escape, she's a ROOSEVELT! hahaha...

Happy Birthday you two! I love you both - oh, and they both have bad eye sight too! Hahaha...I told your secret!!

Acai - Thanks to Students

The Acai berry and of course, a beautiful bronze butt.

I have some of the best students - seriously. I go away, I don't teach them and what do they do, they follow my career, they call me and give me advice. Some of them even ask me for my autograph -which is funny because the guy I'm talking about has my autograph when I signed him out from jail in the 9th grade. He got a copy of the paper! OK, so now one of my "babies" as I call them all, has an idea on how to get his old fat teacher skinny and pretty. He said he's going to make me look like his sister's friend's mom. I think I followed that line correctly, maybe it was his mother's sister's friend - I don't know...she's suppose to be skinny and pretty - but if she has a perfectly shaped bronze butt you can count me out. I don't tan that well.

I looked up from sitting in my car and there he was - my ex student Victor. I won't give out last names - he may want to remain anonymous for helping me. He was standing at my door with a box in his hand. The box had Acai Berry pills in it and he had 6 bottles. He looked like he was going door to door selling the bottles and I asked him if they were sealed. He told me they were, and then as if he had read my mind he stated he hadn't stolen anything - his sister's friend works for the drug store and they overstocked so he got them at 1/2 price. He gave me the name of the store and manager too. So, after calling and verifying his story I bought a couple of bottles from the kid and paid 25% off retail so he could have a little profit. He just wanted to see if they worked and I was the first fat person he could think of. I love these kids - their honesty.

To be perfectly honest, and I love this, he was a bit disappointed that I had already lost 45 pounds since I last taught English in the "hood" and he was saying he's going to take the credit for it when he comes back and takes my "after" pictures for his sales port folio - we had our picture taken 3 years ago and yes, he'll have a GREAT before picture let me tell you. I used to cringe at the sight of myself being just at 200 pounds, but now I don't. I see it as a long and hard journey that I went on, found it to be unpleasant at times, difficult at times, certainly informative but I didn't like myself or my body much - and I wanted a new me. If the ads are correct about this pill, this fruit, this Brazilian wonder - then I should be dancing in the sands around New Years, but don't count on the bright thong being wrapped around my bare cheeks - my son would kill me ESPECIALLY if I could pull it off - imagine what he'd do to me if I couldn't! NOPE, once a mom always a mom, and once an English teacher - - well, I go to church with MY 8th grade English teacher and I still call her Mrs. Williams. I just can't bring myself to say "Helen" in her presence! I think I've given up the notion that she lives at the school now...she lives at the church.

I hope this stuff does something cool - even if it just turns my colon purple, I don't care - something has to make these last 20 go away - forever!! I'm pretty sure the back of the bottles say to take 2 a day but I bet they mean pills and not bottles of pills....we'll see. I know I'm counting down the days but I don't want to be pushing daisies either for overdosing on SUPER FOODS.....I should make the bottles tiny little capes for Halloween - but I'd be the only one laughing. Nevermind.

Victor - I'll call you. (and.....read something!)

Soup! SOUP!

FANTASTIC pea soup! (not my picture)

I admit it - I stole my kids' peas when I was feeding them when they were babies. No way they could tell on me, no way they could fight back. I just took them! I took the pea mush out of the jar too, I just did it because I could - and I don't remember a single time any of my kids fighting me for the stuff either. Nope, they just let Mom have their peas. Gave it up! They still do. (Laura fights a little now, but I can make a boat-load of frozen peas and give Caity one scoop and she's happy. I'm happy. It's a wonderful world.)

To the untrained mouth the soup in that picture could appear to be baby vomit, but it's not, it's succulent, dreamland-style, way-out-this-world good Pea Soup. The ONLY thing that could possibly make that bowl look better to me would be to add a few olives and tomatoes, a sprinkle of cheese, and there you have it - perfection. I could eat pea soup, butter squash soup, pumpkin or black bean soup - every last day that I'm alive from here on out - and I'd be smiling. Soup is really that great. I don't adhere to the old rules about soup any more than I adhere to the old rules about anything else really - soup is just too individualized. You make soup - you create it - it is you!

This afternoon I sat here wondering WHICH soup I would be making not IF I would be making it. Weather changing, make soup. Birds outside chirping - make soup. Dogs acting crazy and want to go outside and chase the chirping birds - they'll have to wait. I'm making soup.

I add about 2 tablespoons of golden flax seed meal to my soup too - (oh wait, that's the family secret. SHHHH) and that adds bulk as well as fiber. So, you get your antioxidants - you get your fiber for digestive purposes. You get health in a bowl is what you get - and that's no ordinary bowl either friend. I serve my soup in original and authentic Frankoma pottery. You just can't beat that bowl, and you know someone really loves you (in this case I love me) when they serve you in Frankoma pottery! Boomer Sooner!

Atlanta - Denver - Chicago - Seattle?

Atlanta Fountains - I assume downtown, I haven't seen them yet.

My resume (my newly revised and "Hyper-revised" resume has been sent all over the country to appropriate employers everywhere including: Denver, Atlanta, Chicago, and Seattle - I will say this; Atlanta seems to be edging out the others if not only because of personal connections, it also has a few great colleges which could hire me as an adjunct so I could also get my teaching fix. I've been missing that actually - I need a few brains to pick. My dogs just aren't paying attention to me, and forget my own kids - no way! I can't get them to think in full sentences let alone write out essays by hand which would include multiple sentences, phrases, paragraphs and more - more - much more. I ran into one of my old students last night, he wanted to gift me with several books which were written by his uncle. He told me he always knew he had the Writer's Gene inside of him - meeting me made him realize he needed to find it. He's working on his first collection of stories now! Wow! I love that feeling - it's so intoxicating!! Better than choc...well, no, it's not better than chocolate, but better than something good!

So, Atlanta it may be! Where to live? What to do? Where to hang out? What to take in? Do I become a Braves fan? Can't give up the Cubbies that fast - no way, and my son would murder me in my sleep if I gave up my Packers for the Falcons - - in fact, he may want me to do a little freelance spying to help out his Pack in the future! I'll get the call, he'll explain the Op and I'm sure I'll agree to it no matter how stupid it sounds - it plays well with our Eternal Denial game that we keep running. That boy can out strategize anyone - good thing he's on our side.

The last time I spent time in Atlanta I was a kid. I went to Stone Mountain, we camped near by, swam, hiked, played in the woods, pulled ticks out of our hair, and danced around a fire like we were real Indians. I remember loving every second of the air, every green and ivy-twisted branch. I remember the people and their funny accents asking me and my brother if we wanted an Orr-ang Cu-rush sodie pop! You can't forget the people - they're too sweet.

Stone Mountain (1972) was also where I met the very tall, very good looking, very blond and beautiful John R. Schneider! You may know him as Superman's father on the WB's Smallville, or the original Bo Duke, but I remember him more for playing Camp Counselor in real life. I was almost 11 - I was in love. That was just about the time I took down my Snoopy posters and put up a David Cassidy poster - a few years later I put up a Bo Duke poster - even if I was a little too old to do it!

John and I met several more times in Hollywood during his Duke days. I was on the set as an extra, a writer, a hair-assistant, and an all-around Girl-Friday to the 2nd Unit Director - I reminded the Hubba Bubba chewing Schneider about our first encounter - he thought he was a fat kid, I told him I thought he was sent from Heaven itself. We both laughed about that - but that is my Atlanta memory....good looking men, great sodie-pop, and bald mountains with men carved into them - riding horses. It would be years later that I would come to appreciate the faces, the lives, the legends left by those men whose images still etch the sky and loam over the passersby and rock climbers of Stone Mountain. Confederate President Jefferson Davis, General Robert E. Lee, and General Thomas J. "Stonewall" Jackson - my son actually told me about them when he was around 10. Ever the Civil War buff even at that age, he was able to bring alive their every deed - their every devotion to the wonderful people of the South. He told me he wanted to see J.E.B. Stuart included - I suppose there's still room for one more General perhaps if someone was so inclined.

Atlanta - looks like it's leading the pack today.

In Case You Haven't Heard, Iraq is a Boring Vacation Spot

My son, Spc. Reuben Stringfellow - vacationing in the deserts of Iraq for another year.

You'd think he would have picked a better place to lie about where he's going to relax and lay about, but no, my son says he's been in Iraq for the past 4 weeks and he's thinking of extending his vacation for about another 48 weeks. As if I couldn't check and find out - he's in Alaska!

He says the weather is great, the people are friendly, he gets along with the local livestock (I didn't ask too many questions about that statement) and he's thinking that the war is just about over. I purposely said "What war? Is there a WAR going on in Iraq son when you're there?"

He and I have been playing this game of "Eternal Denial" for quite a while, and he's one of the best players I've ever met - - he claims that he actually took his body and had it flown to Iraq to play this game with me. He claims also that he's living inside a real tank just to prove his point, now that has to be the epitome of characterization! He believes he's in a war! He believes he's enlisted in the United States Army, and from time to time he even gives himself a new rank just to pull another one over me - I guess you can only pretend to be a Private, or Private First Class just so long. Now he's calling himself a Specialist! Imagine that. My son, special! OK, I CAN imagine that.

So, here's this Specialist, he's hanging out with real Army personnel, he's eating with them, drinking with them, sleeping and training with them, guarding posts and he's even reporting back to me that on this particular vacation package they (the U.S. Army Forward Operating Base that he's somehow paying to stay on) is letting him shoot guns with live ammunition. I have to assume he's talking about a controlled indoor environment, again, I didn't ask too many questions - Reuben's been known to sneak into the movies to see that 2nd show when he's only paid for one. He tells me that he uses phone cards to call home since his cell doesn't work. (C'mon even I know they have Sprint and Verizon cell towers in the desert, I saw them when I drove to California.) He only calls in the middle of the night so we can keep the game up - Alaska is 3 hours behind Oklahoma so if he's calling me at 2:45 a.m. my time it's only 11:45 p.m. in Fairbanks where I'm sure he's actually - - wait - - my son called me from a phone card, the return number wasn't an American number at all - it registered as a - - foreign country.

OK...now I'm concerned. When he left my house and told me he was going on vacation for a year he was lying! NO! He's not pretending to be in Iraq - he's ACTUALLY IN the country of Iraq. Those photos of the palms aren't really from the West Coast? Those camels weren't rented or borrowed and you know what - my son is - - Oh, he almost had me...I almost believed it, hahahaa...good one boy, good one. If I hadn't heard his X-box in the background with the Packers beating the crap out of the Cardinals I may have thought he was in or near Baghdad....wow. OK, I'm fine now. Everyone knows there's no electricity in Iraq! He couldn't be playing Madden 08, he couldn't be, right?

I should pay attention to what he said - It was something like "Glad you're not here Mom, wish I was home." Well, the good news is that the vacation and the traveling should be over in less than a year for Baby Boy and if he ever does make it to the war he'll be the best damn tanker this world has ever seen. Let's just hope that doesn't actually happen.