Sunday, February 21, 2010

I Want This House - So I Pray

Prayer is good. I've decided that I am not really all that in charge of much. In fact, I don't know that I'm really in charge of anything. I like to think I have some control over some things, but in reality I'm only moving along in the direction that seems to be pushing me. It is really so much easier for me to NOT worry, and just let God have the reins on just about every decision. Now, if that sounds all churchy-churchy to you, and/or you think I should stand up for myself and be more of my own person - - too damn bad. I don't purport to be as perfect as Jesus, OK. He's got it going on, I'm just glad He's keeping me around for the long haul.

I've not had the luxury of saying I own THIS house, or I live HERE. I've been renting, staying, resting, waiting, existing for so long. I want to stop! I want to land. I want to own something that belongs to me and I can say this is where I live, this is what I do, these are my things, and I shop over there! I actually did think I would be living in Chicago. At the first of the year I dreamed of living in a high rise downtown, and not having a car, not having kids to worry and think about, not having to do much more than move about the downtown locales - - shopping, going to museums, enjoying parks, and hanging out. Of course, that would mean giving up a few things. I wouldn't be able to feed birds in the high rise, neighbors don't like that. In fact you get turned in, and the management fines you for it. I couldn't open the door and let my dogs out - - so I wouldn't have dogs. I couldn't watch Laura barrel race, rein, or sing. I couldn't really go from one end of the city to the next without catching another bus, waiting on connections or calling a cab, but I was willing to do that much. I didn't want to give up watching the kid play.

Caity doesn't play much. She's on her own, more independent, more into her thing. Laura likes to involve me. She's still a bit clingy and for now that's OK. I'm not sure I'm all that keen on giving her up either. The solution? Pray about it. We did and the answer was quite obvious - - move to Texas and get a house on land. The only problem with that is I haven't been paid yet, so even the house on land is a bit of a dream at this point - - albeit a dream with a more secured direction. At least I have the address, I've seen it, felt it, smelt it, I even have ideas about how I want to remodel, decorate and make it mine. Phase II of the plan - - get paid.

Just as soon as I have the book picked up by a major publishing house I'll either lease this one until I can buy it, or if I get enough, I'll buy it. I'm thinking lease for 6 months, fix all I need to fix with my life, and get the bank to OK a loan with enough down. The owners (current) are so kind. They are from Scotland and I love listening to them talk. I could listen all day! Smart too. I love smart people - - I learn so much from them. OK, good plan....more prayer...and we wait. That's the hard part, the waiting. I don't like that part. I like the getting, the buying, the doing, the working, the living - - I suppose there are lessons to learn at every stage. I just hope THIS stage is short. Very short.

With enough acres for Laura to build an arena, have her round pen, her barn/stalls and horses - - me with my vegetable and flower gardens, my french doors, office with a view and of course US with too many dogs and cats; we'll be happy soon. Did I mention I was going to buy lots of bird feeders? I am! I'm definitely feeding birds in Texas.

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