Sunday, December 7, 2008

Porn Star Names - I Have One.




This was ME in 1983. I remember I was freezing my butt off in November. We were at the Santa Monica pier. No, I wasn't a porn star.

When my son was trying to come up with names he'd call himself if he were ever to star in a porn film I reminded him that I was an extra in a couple of Raleigh Productions in the early 1980's. One of them was called "Love Scene" and it starred a beautiful Tiffany Boling and Brit Eckland. Both women were absolutely stunning. I had my clothes on and you only see me walking around the pool in my bikini, standing on the landing in a tight skirt - but my boobs were big - they put rubber fakies in my blouse to make me look somewhat appealing. You'd have to know me then, I was short at 5'7" and fat at 125 pounds. I had to have something going for me right? Had they let me speak I would have probably had a long drawn out Southern accent that would have needed to be clipped. I was merely background fodder - alas, my desires were to write, not to act.

In order to come up with the appropriate porn star name my son was asked by his good friend what the name of the street was where he was conceived or the name of the street I lived on when he were first born. I guess he felt like he had to ask me to find out, so he did. My answer was two-fold "Well, it's a numbered street really, do you want the street closest to it, and WHY on earth is that being brought up?" He explained that this was the right way to come up with a porn star name for yourself. You take the sir name of the street, and your given name is the name of your first pet - unless it's really stupid. So, my son the not-so-porn potential porn star became "Angel Rockwell". I did the math and I would be called Sandy Mueller. I think I'll change the spelling to "Sandhi Mueller". It looks better.

Caity Baby becomes Silas Bradley, but she decided our other dog Chubbie would be fun so she's now calling herself "Chubbie Bradley". Laura Cakes opted for the place she was brought home and takes her Pop's dog as her first dog, as we didn't actually own our own dog when we brought her home to Grandma's house for a few days after being held in the hospital with jaundice. She is forever to be known on the red-screen as "Gretchen Eastwood". I do think her name is the best of all of us. Believe it or not, you get a few interested looks when you ask someone what their name would be and you of course have to explain the process. Think it over, think what your name would be - and then write something online with your new pen name just for the fun of it. Refer to it in a critical blog, make references to it in such a way that someone believes you, and then at a party, over cream cheese dip with gelled pepper sauce you can explain fully what your motives were. Love that stuff.

The only other fun thing I'm doing tonight besides recovering from the wandering bands that ended up at my house overnight, is to play "Mp3" with the girls. Some people call it PONY but I still (due to my age) call it what it is - MP3. You set your iPod on shuffle and you ask a question that isn't a Yes or No question. You hit the button and let the next song title be your answer. If it doesn't fit you get ONE shot at a new answer. OK...let's play. How about this question: When we move to California this summer and Caity stalks Mac Sinise what will the outcome be? AND THE ANSWER IS: "I'm a Boy" by the Who. See...lots of fun. OK..what will Sinise do when he realizes she's ONLY stalking him to get to Gabe? (Perfect) "Follow You, Follow Me" by Genesis. Love it.

Can you tell I'm bored? I added 561 more songs to the iPod today. WOW.

No comments: