Friday, November 14, 2008
Free to a Good Home - No Not Faith, CAITY
She has to go. I'm offering up one 18 year old brat without any real work skills other than modeling and smiling - maybe she'd be OK with customer service if you had a company. She wants to be the Queen of America if that gives you any indication as to her intentions of actually working. I've caught her more than a dozen times reading and re-reading Alice in Wonderland, you draw your own conclusions from that bit of information.
It has reached a point that I can no longer stomach the girl. She was a big pain in the first few minutes of her life, and it hasn't actually gotten any better. Though I love the stuffings out of this one, I would also like to beat the stuffings out of this one. Therefore, rather than cause harm or malice to my last born, I'm hoping one of you will take pity on me and give her sanctuary...and maybe a few bucks so she can remain in the style that she is accustom to...and/or prefers, we'll say that.
Any and all serious inquiries need to be made to the following address: email@example.com and I will shoot you off a 100 page questionnaire so that I know exactly the type of home my darling will be going to. I mean, we take care to interview people who adopt our puppies, how much more should I be responsible to find out the intentions, the desires, the financial status, and the life position of the would-be adoptive person have for my child? I would say 100 pages should be enough. Even Caity can't argue with that - - and believe me, Caity finds something to argue about in every single itty-bitty teeny weeny case about anything whatsoever...she is MY FATHER'S GRANDCHILD for sure. They are both hard headed and immobile, the only difference is that Dad is nearly deaf and I can use hand signals. The only thing I want to show Caity involving my hand is my longest finger pointing straight into the air, or the other one pointing to the door!
It's not that she's stubborn, she's impossible. It's not that she's conceited, she's infatuated with herself. At least she is 150% at all that she does, but unfortunately 150% of everything she does is for HERSELF. There, I said it, I'm not ashamed. I made it - and maybe I can follow through with that old-wives tale and take her out too...but I can't take her out she won't go! Short of picking her up and setting her down outside in the cold - I can't get her to budge from the couch where her obsession lately has been Sudoku. She's gone through book after book. I can't say she's worthless because she reads well, writes excellently and apparently has a knack for numbers - she uses an ink pen on the Sudoku books. However, like my mom said, she probably isn't actually winning at the games, she's probably crossing out the free-given numbers and putting in the numbers that fit in HER mind. (I don't do math or logic, so I just leave it alone.)
If you are one of those who like pretty things sitting around your house collecting dust - please write to me so I can expedite the questionnaire. We'll discuss relocation program and college funding at a later date. First things first, you need to know there are NO refunds on a freely given kid.