Friday, October 17, 2008

Weights to Lose Fat





Dumbbells - or so they say! (Well, Dwight's no dumbbell - no way)

Whose the real dumbbell? I can't lift every one of these and I can't use them properly in order to lose the extra belly fat either - I'm trying, it's not working fast enough, but I am trying. According to my guru weight trainer (via phone, I don't hire him, we're good friends) I can do a million sit ups and not lose the belly - in fact, if I were able to do a million (even 1000) sit ups I would be rewarded with a hard knot of muscle mass in the belly region and still stick out. I don't stick out - I want HELD IN. I want flat, I want my teenage body back. Someone took it! I don't care, charge a ransom - just give it back!

This morning I was looking around the place trying to put all of my exercise equipment in one central location. I have my big silver ball in the bedroom with the Pilate's mat, the dancing stick and the stationary bike. My living room is host to these guys, the hand weights, my tension belts, a really cool disc that I can't possibly balance on for more than 1 second, and I have a couple of jump ropes hiding in the corner. One is longer for my son, he's a good 5 or 6 inches taller than me. Caity has to use my jump rope and roll up the handles - last year she solved the problem by cutting off the ends! Thanks Caity - buy your own damn equipment.

After finding the blue dumbbells, 8 pounds each, I decided to put into practice what I saw on television - always a great source of inspiration - and I began training with the dumbbells to do my push ups. Holding onto the weights rather than placing my hands flat on the floor actually helps me because I'm not putting so much pressure directly on my wrists - cool - I love Denise Austin! She's the best advisor a girl can have. I have her photo on the frig too - "Dear Jesus, you made this mold once just please, for me, do it again - using my body of course! Thanks. Amen." I wonder if writing it out means more to Him than just whispering it in the prayer closet? Hey, I would sent up Native American smoke signals and do the dance if I thought He would pay more attention to that one! PLEEEEAAAASSEEEEE - and thank you.

According to the man, the trainer man, I will still only lose the 2 pounds a week, but I may actually lose more body fat and after all, when you have this much to lose, losing anything just makes good sense. I was doing jumping jacks and got tired faster than when I walked in place - it's the fat! MY GOSH - I had a clue, but I had no real idea about the mass of it - I see whales, I see fluffy pandas, I see cute little fat angels flying around with bows and arrows....I don't hate myself, but I would like there to be much less of me to love. That would be nice. Weights. I must live by this rule now. Weights. I must carry them around. I find it hard to type with them in my hands so I got the 2 pound wrist weights. I wear the leg/ankle weights throughout the day and I stop every hour and do 8 minutes of actual working out with the blue 8 pounders. I'm sure I'm doing something good - it may take until Christmas to find out what that is - lucky for me some people don't unwrap their presents until Christmas morning. That gives me a little time to squeeze into something cute....God, I don't mean cute like a fat little fuzzy bunny, c'mon!

LOL - oops, time to dance! Dwight Yoakam! Phil Collins is awesome for walking and lifting by the way. No body beats Dwight for moving around the place....I should hang out a sign apologizing to the neighbors. Oh, I know...Jesus, are you there? Forget Denise, I want Dwight's thighs!

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