Thursday, August 7, 2008

Take Two - Scene 4 "The Exit"

The Brat Must Go!

Cute as she is, she really does have to leave my house. Actually I don't have a house anymore. I gave it up a little over a year ago because I travel so much with Faith. There was a time this past spring that I practically lived in the Dallas airport. I had a special bunk in the Admiral's Club. I thought giving up the house was the best thing for me since both my daughters had their own place. Then Caity lost her place and moved in with her sister. Then Laura moved away and left Caity, but Caity being Caity lost that one too. (Immaturity does that to a lease) When Caity moved in with me it was under the condition that at the age of 18 she was to leave permanently, and that was last week. Now, because her brother is home, it's summer, she can't find a job, she's been asked to sing at a few shows, yada-yada-blah blah...I'm living in a tiny overstocked condo with three dogs, 2 kids, and absolutely NO space for my yoga mat!

I can do this, I'm a very strong person. I have foresight - I see Reuben leaving my house in just a few days to go to Iraq. I think he should stuff his little sister in the bags and take her too! The Army won't take her though - when she was 9 she hacked into the Pentagon's system and was put on an alarm list - Thanks Caity! You're awesome. It doesn't matter that she has no idea what she did. Besides that she is an asthmatic - they don't take them either. Well, here's the sad part about that. If anyone in my family was determined to take a loaded gun and hide out in the hills of Afghanistan to pop off a few terrorists it would be Caity! She scored a 94% overall when the Army allowed my kids to use the simulators a couple of years back. Reuben killed every last person on the game, whether they needed to be killed or not. Laura wounded one guy that was already down, and Caity used less bullets and killed 94% of the people needed to be killed, and 0% of the civilians....scary.

I say the Army can make an exception! I say they can take my kid and twist her into something she needs to be - I say they probably don't have the right lingerie for the kid...can you see her at the PX/BX looking for the right thong to wear under the ACUs? What goes with sand? Oh screw it - go commando!

I clamped down on her finally. Reuben said it needed to be done. Of course he said this while lounging on my couch, eating food I don't allow in the house, listening to his lousy-loud metal music and watching "King of the Hill" (I hate that show). He told me I needed to come down on Caity and force her out of the house. Tell her to take her 2,884,931 pieces of clothes, her baskets and buckets of shoes, her books and pool toys, her computers, monitors, receivers, tvs and all other electronics and just leave - - and yes, she had to take the little dog too. I love Rupert, but he has to go too. I'm just looking for a little space people. You can't see my bookshelves, you can't find my couch. Pirates on ghost ships have bigger quarters than I do now. I wake up and she's cuddled up next to me. I remember the peace and quiet and I remember I liked it.

My little bathroom has 2 drawers - they're full of her stuff, her makeup, her hair products, her dirty clothes. My shower has her towels draped over everything, her soaps, shampoos, conditioners, her everything - I empty the trash every day now. I do 2 sometimes 3 loads of laundry every day. Forget about making her do it, it won't happen - so yes, she has to go....any takers? She's really cute. She just won't work, help out, cook, or clean - oh, and you have to provide her money to shop, drive around in your car, and get her into shows and concerts because she doesn't have a job - - jobs interfere with life.

58 days. I gave her 58 days, and that's it. I think I'm being nice. I may not be the best mother if I won't let her back into my place, but at least she'll be the bag lady with the best looking clothes in her cart!

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