Thursday, July 10, 2008

Greatest American Dog - or Greatest American Flop!


OK, the show is just the absolute pits, the bottom of the rung, the only show that could have been worse - and yes, it was worse than this show, was CBS's flop from last year at this time; Kid Nation. I swore up and down I would not watch a single episode of Kid Nation because I love my own children too much. To think of the abundance of abuse that was allowed and shown in just the teasers for that show, it made it impossible for me to give even a glimpse of hope for it. I utterly refused to watch it - to my great joy it was abruptly canceled. I feel the same about the Greatest American Dog, and I wish wish wish we didn't have to see another episode, but I will watch it. I will watch it because I love Tillman and Ron, and I have a little stake in this...I was asked to be on the show and said NO immediately, so I want to see for myself that I made the right choice.

The second I saw the first challenge I thought about Faith. WHAT IN THE HECK WERE THEY THINKING? A few of the owners were so obnoxious about winning and competing, they yelled at their loved ones. They screamed "Shut Up" to their dogs! They were almost reaching out with their hands to force their dogs to sit, but the camera would have caught was terrible. Not to mention what we don't see - between the takes, between the last round to the next, and to the next these dogs had to wait for the camera angles, the set up, the lawn to be altered, and then do their little walk again, and again, and again - for what....the right to sleep in a fancy room? WHATEVER! I was overtly upset about it, and stayed on the phone with my advisor who is Tillman's agent, and we talked all the way through the show. I was so happy to hear Ron's calm voice talking to Tillman "Hey Buddy", and he was just being so .. well, Ron! He's a surfer OK? He gets it - it's a game.

Tillman could have cared less! (Good boy T. You're the best) I couldn't believe Ezzie took Tillman's board though. I thought at first T would become a little more aggressive but you know, the whole time we filmed with he and Ron out on the beach he never cared if someone borrowed his board - if they brought it back. Ezzie wasn't sure he wanted to do more than chew on it, and to be really really honest, I'm shocked he and his owner lost out (eliminated) tonight, I liked their little 70's routine - sure beat the pants off Bella Starlet's dance. But you know who I'm not pleased with...and I know I could be shooting myself in the foot for saying this - I'm not happy with CBS whatsoever.

Do the producers of CBS's show Greatest American Dog really, even for one second, expect us the viewers to think that the teams were chosen at random? Do they think we believe they chose to be cheerleaders, or in Hawaiian outfits of 70's costumes? No way - the costumes FIT THE PLAYERS and their dogs too perfectly to have been decided on at random and the ordered and sewn. No, sorry - Bark Wag High was not a creation of one of the contestants..didn't happen OK? Not to mention that the costumes for the others were loose and not form fitting, with one exception...did you think we wouldn't notice that they were "shopped". You had the token gay guy, the token African American as well - and yes, Brandy - the dumb blond. All requisite. All PAT. Suffice it to say that I would not watch another minute of it if my friends were not in competition. I would encourage NO ONE to watch it and tell everyone NOT to tune in to see people yelling at their dogs, forcing their animals to behave in very uncomfortable situations for some - I believe the agility dogs do enjoy the competition, but the others are just there to please and be loved.

I can only imagine the utter embarrassment that would have taken place had I agreed to allow CBS to control my life through this show. Well, first off, it would never have happened. I would have taken a marker to their 2 inch contract immediately, and I would not have been hired. I would have raised the pay from $10,000 to $2,000,000 to be bothered for 68 filming days, and I would have insisted on my own room with a bed Faith could crawl under. I would have been OK with cooking, cleaning, sharing the house in general, but not the room - and no, Faith would not be asked to do stupid silly games to prove she's a better dog...hell, she just has to show up and everyone gets that immediately! Games are for games, not for determining who may be the better dog. I wanted to shoot someone! (That's probably because I'm from the Wild West and here in Oklahoma we say things like that without meaning it literally, so if you're thinking of suing me, get over it.) LOL

FAVORITE MOMENT: I loved it (Thank you RON!) when whatshername (I don't remember it, and apparently I don't even want to go to and look it up for the blog I care that little about it) was getting married, was it Brandy? OK, anyway she was getting married on April 11 of next year and she was taking a minute to invite everyone - I guess she means America, the magazines, media, whoever may care enough to show up - but she added "Even Dogs" to the little note she taped to the frig...and there's my buddy - he's not sure if he should laugh or not, and he says "April 11th. I'm not sure if that's the day I'm throwing myself in front of a bus or drinking bleach" but he assured her he would not be attending the wedding! THANK YOU....that was priceless. I love the shameless plug factor. I would have done that "Buy my book it's available on and through for an entire dollar cheaper!" I would have done that....and been shot!

The whole show (if I had been on it) would have been centered around who GOT to shoot me, not if I was going to be eliminated would have taken place. I would have walked outside, Faith on a new Wacky Walk'r leash of course, and I would have said "No..not doing this!" Faith would have jumped up on the table, she would have laid down, not sat down, and we would have been asked to stand off to the side first thing. Then I would have called my agent (advisor) and asked for a glass of Chablis to have been delivered so I could watch the others screw around in the sun and have no fun whatsoever. I would have asked Faith if she wanted to go under the bed and we would have left the scene entirely. I am SSSSSOOOO glad I said no, and believe me, CBS is happy about it too. Now, give me a reality show where we go to the Air Force and Army bases around the world and make people happy. That's a better score don't you think. C'mon CBS - pull your head out. If it don't come easy - you gotta let it go. Dogs are NOT toys! (People are just idiots sometimes on camera and will do anything to be seen...which is really sad!)

Let's do a reality show where Tillman, some of these agility dogs, Scout aka "Air Bud" and maybe Elwood and Faith show up at a base in Hawaii, we do a little dance, sing a little on stage, and just end the show with a lot of hugging and loving of soldiers....telling stories about the great things they do, the people they love, the dogs they left back home and are defending today! Then, in episodes two through fourteen have us in training with these guys at NTC in the dessert, preparing to go to Iraq. The finale can be in the sandbox at Camp Victory, and the winner gets to take 100,000 soldiers home! That's a good show. I would find a way to win - but even if Tillman beat us I'd have to smile...just knowing the best dog won, and the kids were coming home.

CBS - please, don't do this to the dogs.

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