Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Flat Belly Diets - Right!

(I made this belly! Thank you very much!)

I was just about to get on the internet and search out a photo of the perfect flat belly for this blog when one of the flattest, most perfect bellies in the entire world walked onto my patio. I have to admire it, I made it. I had help, I know, but why not take all the glory when you can? I made this belly, and another one quite similar to it - but she's about 80 miles away and it would be harder than pulling teeth to get the other one to lift up her shirt so I can take a picture. Her sister can get her to do it - they duct-tape their breasts and go to the mall pretending to be boys; but that's another story. It has nothing to do with the blog I'm writing, so forget I even mentioned it. Laura honey, you're normal, I love you.

So, flat belly's have diets now. You can get online or go to the local bookstore and find books written, volumes of books written, on how to get your belly looking JUST like Caity's. Don't kill yourself trying, most of the information is meant to help those who aren't too far off from the target goal in the first place. Remember the fine print suggesting that you get a surgical procedure following the weight loss. There is a price to pay - for being less than perfect to begin with. We all fall, we all fall - are you listening Caity, someday you too will wish you looked like you. Oh wait - you already look like you. Never mind.

I went online. I Googled the words "Flat Belly Food" and I found at least 9 different belly diets you can follow in order to one day wake up and realize your belly could be decorated with any naval ring you choose because YOU look THAT good. I found one diet which consisted of: tomatoes, oatmeal, black beans, spinach, walnuts, olives, and cranberries. Another boasted the whole grain food quinoa (I may have misspelled that one) and still another fought for the rights to claim that seafood was the way to go - that and avocados, omega oils, and that diet mentioned black beans as well. Come to think of it, it also mentioned tomatoes. There you go - some consistencies. Maybe there's a happy...middle. (Hahaha, couldn't resist)

Here's my take. I eat oatmeal when I can in the mornings and I throw in a couple of handfuls of raisins to keep the fiberfest going. I don't know if you know it or not, but I'm addicted to drinking water, and I'm equally addicted to eating fiber. I pour, not sprinkle, I pour flax seed on everything I can. Peanut butter works wonders for holding mounds of flax seed. Just in case you were thinking about it....do it. So, besides the oatmeal, the flax seed, the raisins and the wholegrain double fiber bread I use for my daily peanut butter sandwich (raspberry jam), I also cram down the black beans, tomatoes, (Romano cheese) and just because I can, I cook with avocado oil when I make light pasta with grilled chicken, broccoli and carrots. I think if I wanted to, I could live off black beans and carrots.

Spinach seems to pop up a lot in the diet world for flatter looking bellies. I think you have to eat it, I'm not sure it would work as well using it as a fashion distraction. Walnuts on spinach, maybe a few pieces of little Mandarin oranges? Yes? OK..throw in the grilled chicken too, and maybe a little vinaigrette oil. There is ONE food that seemed to make every list that I found...yogurt. It didn't state or mention any particular blend, brand, flavor, or amount to be eaten, but yogurt seems to be a key to the flatter more beautiful you. (hopefully me as well)

So - off with the pounds, off with the ugly, off with the clothes, oops; off with the lights too if you haven't quite got that Caity-thing going for you. Please, and thank you. Do the best dance you can, and get the smiles going. There is a new hope, there is a new you, there is a new plan. With any luck and a heck of a lot of good food and work - we could all join the ranks of the pretty-middies soon. You'll know it's me when you see mine - there's not a thing I can do to erase the 7" rail-road track scar across my midsection. I used to tell people that I taught in the hood and they never asked again. They just nod, eyes-wide-open, mouths dropped. But I can tell you the truth, we're friends right? Gallbladder surgery. Nasty!

Happy belly to you!

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