Friday, November 23, 2007

I Don't Get the Whole Bathtub in the Meadow Thing

I watch the news, I watch the games, I watch just about any and everything a man would watch so it's no wonder I also get to watch the commercials about erectile dysfunction, prostrate problems, and the world's best condoms....which, if I had a reason to know I'd just call my buddy John and ask him straight out (no pun intended) and he could completely freak out for two reasons. First, he'd wonder why I was asking him, since he's as celibate as I am, and 2nd, he'd freak out because he thinks he's going to NOT be celibate before me. I should ask him just to see his face!

Anyway, I watch the news, I watch football, basketball, baseball, and sometimes because my son sits on me and holds my face up so I have to see it, I watch the caged ultimate fighters; listening to my son grunt and scream like an animal for about 2 minutes until he realizes he's killing his only mother, and gets off of me, giving me time to grab the remote and switch the channel back to CSI-NY, something far less violent!

During these shows the marketing audience seemingly is male-dominant. I have to sit through "Viva Viagra" commercials, and I get that one. I do. Fun, dancing, having the time of your life, but I don't get the Cialis commercials that always end up with two people (usually with silly grins on their faces) in their separate bathtubs in the meadows, out in the backyard, around the corner, someday we'll even see a Cialis commercial with bath tub dwellers in the middle of the business district in NYC, or on board a 747 headed doesn't usually contain itself to the fields anymore. Besides, who filled these bath tubs up with water? WHO? Where did they get the water? IF they did manage to carry the water they'd be too tired for sex. IF the bath tubs actually had water in them the water would get cold, and we ALL KNOW what happens to a man in cold THAT where the Cialis comes in?

Forget the meadow. Give me a high rise (no pun intended) view with Chicago's or NYC's skyline in sight. I don't need matching tubs...give me just ONE hot bath or shower in a fine hotel anytime. Give me (and Gary) a loofa with creamy body wash, and a little tray near the bed stocked with a bottle of wine, a couple of glasses, and Michael Buble on repeat in the CD changer. I don't' need much...hopefully he won't either. (oops, did I say that?)

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