Wednesday, June 20, 2007

I Never Actually Get to Choose.

It doesn't matter what the situation or the choice may be, I won't get to choose it. I am always left with whatever is going to be given to me, bought for me, handed down, or suggested by someone of a higher position or authority. Example: I wanted a 2006 Volvo - didn't happen. I ended up with Steve, he's a great car, but he's a 2005 Focus (wagon) ZX5. He's silver, I wanted blue, he's a practical car - and he's cute, and he's affordable, but I wanted what I wanted. Why didn't I get what I wanted? Steve's payments are the exact same as the Volvo's would have been - too much. I didn't get the Volvo because of a credit score. A score that was misrepresented because the bureau allowed false information. It would take me, no, it took me 120+ days to get it cleaned up, and I had to have a car. Steve understands - sometimes he revs up just to let me know he would be my Volvo if he only could.

I didn't get the pants I wanted yesterday! That sounds a bit pathetic, but it's true. I'm in Dillards department store and I'm shopping - looking at the Ralph Lauren pants and deciding which one to buy - I can only buy one if it's a Ralph Lauren, so the decision process takes a while. So - there I am looking, turning around to get a better idea of the taupe vs. the tan - and wouldn't you know it - another size 12 woman without decision making skills, walks right up to the taupe pants, takes them - buys them, leaving me with the tan, and I have 2 other tan pairs of pants at home - they're all friends now. They're comparing shades in the closet. I hope they get along.

When I went to the doctor Friday I wanted to get out of there without paying anything because you know, I have insurance. I had a copay too, and that's cool, but it was my first time to see this doctor and THEY had computer problems so I was required to pay 1/2 of the bill - they'd submit the rest. I almost didn't do it, but then the lady behind the counter was saying "Oh, you own Faith don't you? I recognized your face from the Guidepost - you have such a lovely family." What a schmoozer! I left the check and bitched about it all the way home. Monday I called the insurance company only to find out the doctor's office routinely has computer problems, and to expect to pay 1/2 every time and be reimbursed about 3 months down the road - or change doctors. I bet the physicians don't even REALIZE the business office is making the patients pay up front...but again, we don't really get choices. Not in crowded receptions, not when people think your family is incredible - and well, that smiling face - she was sweet about it.

It just seems to be a recurring situation - I want spaghetti, they run out. I stand in line, the lady closes it, I want this end table, but can't buy it separately. OK...I give up. All I really have to do is ask Laura or Caity to run my life for me. Hand them my checkbook, maybe remind them that I have to pay bills from time to time, and let them make every daily and personal decision for me. Could be a plan - could be my salvation from all the negative feedback in my head when I have time to drive Steve home and wait for him to rev a little - he would, he would..I know he would...Steve loves me. Oh, one thing I did get - the Oklahoma state quarter has the new design that I, me, I voted on...the bird! YES...finally, someone listened to ME. (and 153,339 others in the state that voted, but that doesn't mean a thing - I am sure I was the swing vote on that one!)

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