Friday, June 22, 2007

Giving Up My Family For Lent!

I've decided that even though I was raised a Baptist, and even though I still attend a Baptist church from time to time, that I'm going to observe Lent. ANDDDD, I'm going to begin observing Lent now, and I'm going to observe it properly for the full 40 days and then I'm going to renew that vow and do it again - I'm an over achiever. I've decided that giving up my family for a while would be the best thing I could possibly do for myself. I think that by giving up the one thing that I love more than anything would be a great sacrifice, and it would save me about $1000 a month in throw-out money. Throw out money, you know, the money you don't need anyway, so you just throw it to the wind - give it to the kids, same difference.

The phone rang. I have individualized ringtones, so I knew it was the BRAT. We call her the Brat, it was Caity. She can smell the essence of a windfall from miles away. Her deduction skills have become so intimate with her very nature, that whenever I am paid, the second the check is deposited, either by direct deposit, or me physically taking the time to go to the bank and hand it over to Clayton, my new Chase banker - BAM! She calls. "Mom, I need $20." I've stopped asking why. I used to give an allowance, but they laughed at me - I was off by a few hundred dollars it seems.

Twenty dollars doesn't quite go as far as it did in the 70's when I was bumming money - what am I saying, I couldn't have gotten $3.00 from my parents without a written proposal plan and a marketing option explaining when the pay back would take place - she's not into taking money out of my purse, but she has texted me and told me she was going to if I didn't come home soon and protect the wallet from the garden gnome. She's not fooling me. I had the purse with me....but the gnome does sort of scare me at times. He smiles too much. I paid the girl. I always pay the girl. She's usually wise with it - only buying lottery tickets when she can fake someone out and make them think she's 18. But, to her credit, the girl does actually win sometimes. She's come home with my $20 and another $20 just for her - but, to her discredit, she never actually gives me back my original $20, she just flashes it and lets me know how she won.

Then there's Laura. No boundaries there. She used to have them, but she's been hanging out with Caity too long. "Oh, Mom, I bought a few things on Ebay. Can you pay for them? I'll pay you back", yeah, sure you will - like you did last month, and in March, and get it. She bought and won a pair of Bowie-like thigh-high silver leather boots with 6" heels - for Ozzfest. She's going as a special guest this year - but does that mean she's going to wear those on stage and fall to her death? Good thing her simple-term life plan just got issued. I don't know if dancing and singing on stage all summer constitutes as a hazardous occupation, but Farmers Insurance will be paying if it doesn't! She also bought a "snug", but don't ask me what that is. I had her run it by her brother first - I'm not even qualified to answer in the affirmative or the negative - I'm staying out of this one.

Like I said - Lent, good holy word. Good holy concept. Baptists can take a few lessons from their Catholic friends now and again.

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