Friday, April 13, 2007

365 Ways to Have Sex

What are my kids trying to tell me? I check out my e-mail today as I do any and every day, and it seems that I've won an item on E-Bay. OK...from time to time I bid, mostly DVDs, books, CDs that I can't find on www.half.com (an incredible site owned by Ebay) and I find that I've won a calendar for 2007. It's April 13th. We're into the year by more than a quarter, and they're bidding on calendars...it was only a penny!

The calendar it turns out is a sex calendar. Yes, you and I both are now informed...there is one. 365 ways to enjoy yourself with or without your partner, and yes, it is illustrated - to a degree. I asked the younger of my spawn - the evil, twisted, erotica-writing pig-headed daughter with the eye for expensive clothes and a penchant for driving without a valid license or even her permit. I asked her if she ordered it, and if she did why would she use MY account. Her answer - Yes. I knew it! I knew it! Her second answer, or the followup as she would call it; research. EXCUSE ME?

Research she says for her newest chapter of her book that she's been collecting information, pictures, stories, studies, and now apparently positions for. I reiterated the 2nd portion of my position, er, question: WHY are you using my account? Simple answer -Her account was empty. No money in her paypal. Oh, well that makes perfect sense. So, yes, on the record, when I go for that professorship at Oxford, and they do the background - they'll see the calendar - maybe they'll smile and think I'm cool. Maybe I'll flip through the pages to see if I've missed anything along the way - it has been 8 years, maybe they've developed a new technique - it can't hurt.

Think about where you would put the calendar if you bought it. No, think about the clerk's face if you did buy it at a bookstore and it was for a gift and you wanted it wrapped. "Could you wrap this in....say....rubber...hahaha, it's a joke!" That would be hilarious if it weren't so true. I just gave myself an idea for my brother's birthday present. Oh, but I digress. Let me do a little research on this subject and get back to you - no use letting a perfectly good calendar go to waste. Has anyone seen Gary? (Did I say that outloud?)

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